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Next Level Basic: The Definitive Basic Bitch Handbook
Millions of Vanderpump Rules viewers and podcast listeners know Stassi Schroeder as a major defender of Basic Bitch rights. There’s nothing more boring than people who take themselves too seriously or think that you have to be pretentious to be cool. Stassi champions the things that many of us are afraid to love publicly for fear of being labeled basic: lattes, pugs, bubbly cocktails, millennial pink, #OOTD (outfit of the day, obvs), astrology, hot dogs, the perfect pair of Louboutins, romantic comedies...the list goes on and on.This book is for people tired of pretending they would rather see a Daniel Day-Lewis movie about sewing or read War and Peace than watch a Saw marathon or read...well, this book!In Next Level Basic, the reality star, podcast queen, and ranch dressing expert gives you hilarious and pointed lessons on how to have fun and celebrate yourself, with exclusive stories from her own life and on the set of Vanderpump Rules. From her very public breakups to her most intimate details about her plastic surgery, Stassi shares her own personal experiences with her trademark honesty—all with the hope you can learn something from them.
Goodnight Trump: A Parody
Goodnight Trump opens in the very classy golden bedroom of the White House, where it is bedtime for the 45th President of the United States. Readers can encourage this very stable genius to bid goodnight to some of his favorite treasures: a drawer overflowing with subpoenas, a Russian nesting doll that opens page by page to reveal a secret message, a thriving swamp just outside his window, and much more.Turn out the lights on Trump's America with this hilarious yet poignant call to action.
Whose Boat Is This Boat?: Comments That Don't Help in the Aftermath of a Hurricane
Staff of The Late Show with Stephen Colb
Whose Boat Is This Boat? Comments That Don’t Help in the Aftermath of a Hurricane is a picture book made entirely of quotations from President Donald Trump in the wake of Hurricane Florence. It is the first children’s book that demonstrates what not to say after a natural disaster.
From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Selp-Helf comes the “leaked” diary of YouTube comedic personality Miranda Sings.Taped together so the world can read all about her life through her eyes, My Diarrhe includes pages from Miranda’s baby book, poems from her years as an emotional teen, secrets from her dating life, and stories from her rise to fame. As Miranda herself says, “It has every single secret about my life in it. My first kiss, my first period, stories about secret family members, secret photos of other celebrities, etc... so don’t read it!”
Judgmental Maps: Your City. Judged.
Your City. Judged A sharp tongued and fierce witted full-color collection of maps of America’s greatest cities in all their brutally honest glory. When you move to a new city you look at a map to get you where you need to be, but a Google Map of San Francisco won’t tell you where you can get “Real Dim Sum” or where “The Worst Trader Joes Ever” is. Or if you’re visiting Chicago, you might want to see the Magnificent Mile, but not know it’s right next to where “Suburbanites Buy Drugs” and “Retired Mafioso.” This is where Judgmental Maps comes in – a no holds barred look at city life that is at once a love letter and hate mail from the very people who live there. What started as a joke between comedian Trent Gillaspie and his friends in Denver, quickly grew into a viral sensation with a rabid and enthusiastic community labeling maps of their cities with names and descriptions we all think of, but are a bit too shy to say out loud. Collected here in a full color, beautifully packaged book with all new, never before published material, Judgmental Maps is laugh out loud funny from New York to Los Angeles, Minneapolis to Atlanta and offending everyone else in between.
To Be or Not To Be: A Chooseable-Path Adventure
The greatest work in English literature, now in the greatest format of English literature: a chooseable-path adventure!When Shakespeare wrote Hamlet he gave the world just one possible storyline, drawn from a constellation of billions of alternate narratives. And now you can correct that horrible mistake! Play as Hamlet and avenge your father's death - with ruthless efficiency this time. Play as Ophelia and change the world with your scientific brilliance. Play as Hamlet's father and die on the first page, then investigate your own murder . . . as a ghost! Featuring over 100 different endings, each illustrated by today's greatest artists, incredible side quests, fun puzzles, and a book-within-a-book instead of a play-within-a-play, To Be or Not To Be offers up new surprises and secrets every time you read it.You decide this all sounds extremely excellent, and that you will definitely purchase this book right away. Because as the Bard said: "to be or not to be . . . that is the adventure." You're almost certain that's how it goes.
Long Story Short: 100 Classic Books in Three Panels
Literature is long. Comics are short.Does Proust get you down? Do you find The Unbearable Lightness of Being simply unbearable? Is The Inferno your own private hell? Do you long to be conversant about classics like Moby Dick, the Bhagavad Gita, Madame Bovary, and, um, Twilight?Bestselling illustrator Lisa Brown (The Airport Book; Baby, Mix Me a Drink) did her homework. Long Story Short offers 100 pithy and skewering three-panel literary summaries, from curriculum classics like Don Quixote, Lord of the Flies, and Jane Eyre to modern favorites like Beloved, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and Atonement, conveniently organized by subjects including “Love,” “Sex,” “Death,” and “Female Trouble.” Lisa Brown’s Long Story Short is the perfect way to turn a traipse through what your English teacher called “the canon” into a frolic—or to happily cram for the next occasion that requires you to appear bookish and well-read.
The Swoly Bible: The Bro Science Way of Life
From the muscle god who launched the YouTube channel Bro Science Life comes the only book that will teach you everything you need to know about getting swole. For years, bros, meatheads, and gym rats around the world have posed pressing questions: What can you bench? Can I skip leg day? What goes in this protein shake? And importantly--do you even lift, bro? At long last, answers to these questions and more can be found in one handy volume--THE SWOLY BIBLE, written by the Internet's favorite gym expert/literary genius, Dom Mazzetti. In it, Mazzetti lays out the truth about how to make gains in the gym and in your life, including: - How to Get Hyped for a Lift - The True Meaning of Meal Prep - How to Eat Chicken Without Wanting to Kill Yourself - The Best Tips for Taking a Post-Workout Selfie - How to Get Your Girlfriend to Start Lifting - Why Crossfitters Are the Worst - And much more Written in Dom's signature comedic voice, with illustrations throughout, The Swoly Bible is the perfect gift for anyone in your #fitfam.
The Joy of Cookies: Cookie Monster's Guide to Life Sesame Street)
In life, there is one thing we can all agree on: cookies. And there is no greater expert on this endless source of joy, warmth, and crumbs than Cookie Monster. In The Joy of Cookies, Cookie Monster offers deep thoughts on life, friendship, baking, and the love of cookies. He serves as our guide to all things cookie and shares how best to fully experience the joy cookies bring us.
Modern life is abuzz. There are huge LCD WiFi HD TVs and Facebook requests and thumbs tapping texts and new viral clips of cats doing flips. Wouldn't it be nice to say goodnight to all that? Like the rest of us who cannot resist just a few more scrolls and clicks, you may find yourself ready for bed while still clinging to your electronics long after dark. This book, which is made of paper, is a reminder for the child in all of us to power down at the end of the day. This hilarious parody not only pokes loving fun at the bygone quiet of the original classic, but also at our modern plugged-in lives. It will make you laugh, and it will also help you put yourself and your machines to sleep. Don't worry, though. Your gadgets will be waiting for you, fully charged, in the morning.
Comics for a Strange World: A Book of Poorly Drawn Lines
In his follow up to the New York Times bestselling Poorly Drawn Lines, beloved webcomic artist Reza Farazmand returns with a new collection of comics that hilariously skewers our modern age. Comics for a Strange World takes readers through time, space, and alternate realities, reuniting fans with favorite characters and presenting them with even more bizarre scenarios. A child is arrested for plagiarism. A squirrel adapts to human society by purchasing a cell phone - and a gun. And an old man shares memories of the Internet with his granddaughter (“A vast network of millions of idiots. Together, the idiots created endless shitty ideas. It was a true renaissance of shit.”). In the world of Poorly Drawn Lines, nothing is too weird or too outlandish for parody.Featuring 50% brand new content alongside some of the most popular comics of the past year, Comics for a Strange World is the perfect antidote to life’s absurdities.
How to Survive a Horror Movie
Are you reading this in a cornfield, at a summer camp, or in an abandoned mental institution? Have you noticed that everything is poorly lit, or that music surges every time you open a door? If the answer is yes, you're probably trapped in a horror movie. But don't freak out-just read this book! With it you will learn how to overcome every obstacle found in scary films, including-.How to determine what type of horror film you're trapped in.The five types of slashers and how to defeat them. How to handle killer dolls, murderous automobiles, and other haunted objects. How to deal with alien invasions, zombie apocalypses, and other global threats. What to do if you did something last summer, if your corn has children in it, or if you suspect you're already dead
Woman First: First Woman
The long-awaited memoir of her tumultuous year in office, A Woman First: First Woman is an intimate first-person account of the public and private lives of Selina Meyer, America’s first woman president. Known and beloved throughout the world as a vocal and fearless advocate for adult literacy, fighting AIDS, our military families, and as a stalwart champion of the oppressed, especially the long-suffering people of Tibet, President Meyer is considered one of the world’s most notable people. In her own words, she reveals the innermost workings of the world’s most powerful office, sharing previous secret details along with her own personal feelings about the historic events of her time.In A Woman First: First Woman, President Selina Meyer tells the story of her times the way that only she could, Readers will gain new insights not only into Meyer herself but also the mechanics of governing and the many colorful personalities in Meyer’s orbit, including world leaders and her devoted cadre of allies and aides, many of them already familiar to the American people.
Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life
Rosenthal, Amy Krouse
In Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, Amy Krouse Rosenthal has ingeniously adapted the centuries-old format of the encyclopedia to convey the accumulated knowledge of her lifetime in a poignant, wise, often funny, fully realized memoir. Using mostly short entries organized from A to Z, many of which are cross-referenced, Rosenthal captures in wonderful and episodic detail the moments, observations, and emotions that comprise a contemporary life. Start anywhere - preferably at the beginning - and see how one young woman’s alphabetized existence can open up and define the world in new and unexpected ways.An ordinary life, perhaps, but an extraordinary book.
Until Donald Trump publishes the ultimate account of his entire four or eight or one-and-a-half years in the White House, the definitive chronicle will be You Can’t Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year As President. Trump was elected because he was the most frank presidential candidate in history, a man eager to tell the unvarnished truth about others’ flaws and tout his own amazing excellence. Now he levels his refreshingly compulsive, un-PC candor at his landslide election victory as well as his role as commander-in-chief and leader of the free world.There are intimate, powerful, mind-boggling revelations on every page. You are there with him during his private encounters with world leaders, a few of whom he does not insult. You are there at the genius Oval Office strategy sessions with his advisers. You are there in his White House bedroom as he crafts the pre-dawn Twitter pronouncements that rock the world. And, of course, you are there on the golf course as Trump attempts to manage the burdens of his office. President Trump explains each of the historic decisions that have already made America great again, and how he always triumphs over the fake news media. You'll learn what he really thinks of his cabinet members and top aides not related to him, of the First Lady and the First Daughter and the additional three or four Trump children. Included at no extra charge is a lavish and exclusive portfolio of spectacular, historic and intimate color photographs of President Trump in private – inside the White House, inside Mar-a-Lago, at Trump Tower, and more. You Can’t Spell America Without Me is presented by America’s foremost Trump scholar Kurt Andersen as well as America's foremost mediocre Trump impersonator, Alec Baldwin.
Yiddish With Dick And Jane
"Oy vey" - this is a primer like no other. In an inspired parodic twist, the two least Jewish characters in American literature spout some of the edgy, ironic Yiddishisms that have become part of the American vernacular. 35 full-color drawings.
The Pursuit of Grouchiness: Oscar the Grouch's Guide to Life (Sesame Street)
There’s no greater expert on celebrating a crummy day than Oscar the Grouch. After complaining about cheerfulness for decades from his trash can on Sesame Street, Oscar now shares his secrets for making sure you’re as curmudgeonly as possible, all day, every day.It's the perfect gift for your grouchy friends, your annoyingly upbeat friends who could stand to be a little grouchier, and even just yourself - because a bad day can always get worse.Now get lost! And have a rotten day!
His Royal Dogness, Guy the Beagle: The Rebarkable True Story of Meghan Markle's Rescue Dog
The hilarious, heartwarming, and rebarkable true story of Guy the Beagle, Duchess Meghan Markle’s rescue dog.Like all good stories, Guy the Beagle’s begins lost in the woods of Kentucky. But his fortunes change when he’s rescued by none other than Princess . . . er, Duchess-to-be Meghan Markle. Practically overnight, Guy goes from wags to riches. But does this backwoods beagle have what it takes to be welcomed into the royal family?For the first time ever, Guy reveals how he went from pawper to proper, with help from Emmy award-winning writer and producer of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Mike Brumm and publishing veteran (and devoted Anglophile) Camille March, beautifully illustrated by EG Keller (illustrator of the New York Times bestselling A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo). Guy’s story of finding acceptance in an exceptional family will have readers of all ages barking with laughter.
Slothilda: Living the Sloth Life
From former Simpsons animator Dante Fabiero comes a charming collection of comics about an ambitious little sloth who'd rather just take it easy. With themes related to work, fitness, food, shopping, home life, and pets - this book shows that you're not the only sloth at heart.
You are an idiot. Don't get defensive! It's not your fault. For decades your teachers, authority figures and textbooks have been lying to you. You do not have five senses. Your tongue doesn't have neatly segregated taste-bud zones. You don't know what the pyramids really looked like. You're even pooping wrong - Jesus, you're a wreck! But it's going to be okay. Because we're here to help. Packed with more sexy facts than the Encyclopedia Pornographica, the Cracked De-Textbook will teach you about the true stars of history, why you picture everything from Velociraptors to Ancient Rome incorrectly, and finally, at long last - how to pop a proper squat. This book was built from the ground up to systematically seek out, dismantle and destroy the many untruths that years of misguided education have left festering inside of you, and leave you a smarter person...whether you like it or not. The De-Textbook is a merciless, brutal learning machine. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are informed.
The 5-Minute Iliad and Other Instant Classics
Who has the time or the patience to read War and Peace these days? Greg Nagan cuts to the chase, offering a witty and irreverent satire on western literature, in The Five-Minute Iliad and Other Instant Classics: Great Books for the Short Attention Span. These 15 parodies from The Iliad to On the Road hilariously trace western civilization from Homer to Kerouac, breathlessly, recklessly travelling from ancient Greece to postwar America. Whether you have read these great books or not, you are sure to find this collection entertaining - and wry illustrations enhance the clever and amusing text.
Today I Will Nourish My Inner Martyr
This is a biting, hilarious parody of the trite affirmation books currently on the market--the one book that says, "Go ahead, indulge your selfishness and encourage your bitter side. You have the right to it, you've earned it, so enjoy it!". 183 pages.
The White Man's Guide to White Male Writers of the Western Canon
Katzenstein, Jason Adam (Ilt)
How do you use ‘taraddidle’ in a sentence? Is it possible to make a Gin Ricky that’s also a metaphor for the American Dream? How can you tell your Faulkner from your Franzen if you haven’t actually read either?Allow me, the @GuyInYourMFA, to expound on the most important (aka white male) writers of western literature. You’ve probably seen me around, observing the masses, or defying the wind by hand-rolling a cigarette outside a local, fair-trade coffeeshop. I’ve actually read Infinite Jest 9 1/2 times. Care to discuss?From Shakespeare's greatest mystery (how could a working-class man without access to an MFA program be so prolific?) to the true meaning of Kafkaesque (you know you've made it when you have an adjective named for you), the pages herewith are at once profound and practical. Use my ingenious Venn diagram to test your knowledge of which Jonathan—Franzen, Lethem, or Safran Foer—hates Twitter and lives in Brooklyn. (Trick question: all 3!) Sneer at chick-lit and drink Mojitos like Hemingway (not like middle-aged divorcées!).So instead of politely nodding along next time you make an acquaintance at a housewarming party in Brooklyn, you can roll up your sleeves and get to work schooling them in character arcs and the experimental form of your next great American novel. Dazzle your friends with how well you understand post-modernism. You’ll be at a literary event asking a question “that’s really more of a comment” in no time.
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