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Thank You, Goodnight
Teddy Tremble is nearing forty and has settled into a comfortable groove, working at a stuffy law firm and living in a downtown apartment with a woman he thinks he might love. Sure, his days aren’t as exciting as the time he spent as the lead singer of Tremble, the rock band known for its mega-hit “It Feels Like a Lie,” but that life has long since passed its sell-by date.But when Teddy gets a cryptic call from an old friend, he’s catapulted into contemplating the unthinkable: reuniting Tremble for one last shot at rewriting history. Never mind that the band members haven’t spoken in ten years, that they left the music scene in a blazing cloud of indifference, and that the only fans who seem to miss them reside in an obscure little town in Switzerland.If Teddy manages to snooker his band mates out of their adult lives, can a once immature, self-involved fallen idol find his way back to the top - and possibly back to the one who got away? Thank You, Goodnight is debut novelist Andy Abramowitz’s hilarious, honest, and “unfailingly heartfelt” (The Washington Post) story about love, lyrics, and finding one’s legacy in the unlikeliest of places.
The Emoji-To-English Dictionary: Your Text-Message Translation Guide
If you think you're good at coming up with imaginative emoji combinations, think again! The Emoji-to-English Dictionary challenges you to step up your game with more than 100 phrases that will have you ROFL. This unique guide gives you the lowdown on the most hilarious and unexpected emoji phrases around. Divided by topic, each chapter translates dozens of emoji combinations into plain ol' English, so that you can quickly incorporate them into your messages--and even brainstorm crazy one-liners of your own!Complete with illustrations of each emoji phrase, The Emoji-to-English Dictionary provides you with the tools you need to truly master the world of emojis.
Weedopedia: An A to Z Guide to All Things Marijuana
Discover everything you’ve ever wanted to know about marijuana all in one place with this authoritative A-to-Z guide to cannabis!What’s a wake and bake? Who is Mitch Hedberg? What does Louisa May Alcott have to do with cannabis? And what exactly is the difference between a bong and a bubbler?Now you can “weed” all about it and find all the answers and more with this entertaining and updated edition of Weedopedia, your guide to everything marijuana - from the best movies to watch while high to cannabis slang and terminology.Whether you’re interested in learning more about all things marijuana, or if you want something entertaining to read while enjoying a toke, this book is the one-stop-shop for all your weed-related needs.
Learn the facts! In Katie Adams' Wombats Poop Cubes, you will encounter some of the most unbelievable, entertaining, and no-frills factoids ever.Each page features a fact broken down into just three words. Why? Because gimmicks are great, and so is getting to the point. If you crave more information beyond those three special words, check out the full backstory alongside the fact. Fill that brain of yours with memorable gems of truth to learn hundreds of new things, to become an unstoppable trivia partner, or for no particular reason at all.Included are shocking and concise truths such as:• Vikings rap battled.• Bees get drunk.• Abraham Lincoln wrestled.• Kangaroos can’t reverse.• Apples are roses.• Rabbits attacked Napoleon.Have some fun. Keep it short. Get some facts!
Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter
From the creator of Dilbert, an unflinching look at the strategies Donald Trump used to persuade voters to elect the most unconventional candidate in the history of the presidency, and how anyone can learn his methods for succeeding against long odds.Scott Adams - a trained hypnotist and a lifelong student of persuasion - was one of the earliest public figures to predict Trump’s win, doing so a week after Nate Silver put Trump’s odds at 2 percent in his FiveThirtyEight.com blog. The mainstream media regarded Trump as a novelty and a sideshow. But Adams recognized in Trump a level of persuasion you only see once in a generation.Trump triggered massive cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias on both the left and the right. We’re hardwired to respond to emotion, not reason. We might listen to 10 percent of a speech - a hand gesture here, a phrase there - and if the right buttons are pushed, we irrationally agree with the speaker and invent reasons to justify that decision after the fact.The point isn’t whether Trump was right or wrong, good or bad. Win Bigly goes beyond politics to look at persuasion tools that can work in any setting - the same ones Adams saw in Steve Jobs when he invested in Apple decades ago. For instance:• If you need to convince people that something is important, make a claim that’s directionally accurate but has a big exaggeration in it. Everyone will spend endless hours talking about how wrong it is while accidentally persuading themselves the issue is a high priority.• Stop wasting time on elaborate presentations. Inside, you’ll learn which components of your messaging matter, and where you can wing it.• Creating "linguistic kill shots" with persuasion engineering (such as “Low-energy Jeb”) can be more powerful than facts and policies.Adams offers nothing less than "access to the admin passwords to human beings." This is a must-read if you care about persuading others in any field - or if you just want to resist persuasion from others.
I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual
With over 500,000 readers a month at her enormously popular blog, AwesomelyLuvvie.com, Luvvie Ajayi is a go-to source for smart takes on pop culture. I'm Judging You is her debut book of humorous essays that dissects our cultural obsessions and calls out bad behavior in our increasingly digital, connected lives - from the importance of the newest Shonda Rhimes television drama to serious discussions of race and media representation to what to do about your fool cousin sharing casket pictures from Grandma's wake on Facebook.With a lighthearted, razor sharp wit and a unique perspective, I'm Judging You is the handbook the world needs, doling out the hard truths and a road map for bringing some "act right" into our lives, social media, and popular culture. It is the Do-Better Manual.
I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual
In this hilarious book of essays, comedian, activist, and hugely popular culture blogger Luvvie Ajayi inspires us to good behavior, one sharp and funny side-eye at a time.The go-to source for bracingly smart takes on pop culture at her enormously popular blog AwesomelyLuvvie.com, she has also become a bulwark of good humor and crucial common sense at what can seem a common sense-free time. I'm Judging You dissects our cultural obsessions and calls out bad behavior in our increasingly digital, connected lives. With a lighthearted, rapier wit and a unique perspective it’s the handbook the world needs now, doling out the hard truths and a road map for bringing some "act right" to our popular culture, social media, and our lives.
What a Load of Balls: Over 200 Ball Sports Facts
Whether you're a football fan, a tennis aficionado, a keen golfer or a basketball nut you'll love this top collection of facts—the must-have miscellany for any sports fan.Featuring obscure, unbelievable, intriguing, and engaging facts about some of the world’s most popular ball sports, discover fascinating nuggets of information on the sports, the balls, the players, the history, and plenty more. All the major ball sports are covered and you can find out why the number of dimples on a golf ball can make you a better player, what the fastest recorded serve is in a tennis match, and who is the world’s highest-earning ball player. All this makes this miscellany a must-have for any sports fan.
Everything I Know About Love
The wildly funny, occasionally heartbreaking internationally bestselling memoir about growing up, growing older, and learning to navigate friendships, jobs, loss, and love along the rideWhen it comes to the trials and triumphs of becoming an adult, journalist and former Sunday Times columnist Dolly Alderton has seen and tried it all. In her memoir, she vividly recounts falling in love, finding a job, getting drunk, getting dumped, realizing that Ivan from the corner shop might just be the only reliable man in her life, and that absolutely no one can ever compare to her best girlfriends. Everything I Know About Love is about bad dates, good friends and - above all else - realizing that you are enough.Glittering with wit and insight, heart and humor, Dolly Alderton’s unforgettable debut weaves together personal stories, satirical observations, a series of lists, recipes, and other vignettes that will strike a chord of recognition with women of every age - making you want to pick up the phone and tell your best friends all about it. Like Bridget Jones’ Diary but all true, Everything I Know About Love is about the struggles of early adulthood in all its terrifying and hopeful uncertainty.
A Dragon Walks Into a Bar (An RPG Joke Book)
This hilarious collection of over 300 puns, one-liners, and classic jokes dedicated to the fun of RPGs is perfect for you share with your fellow gaming compatriots!
And Then We Danced: A Voyage into the Groove
Equal parts memoir and cultural history, from acclaimed comic stylist and professional hobbyist Henry Alford comes a hilarious journey through the world of dance that will inform, entertain and leave readers tapping their toes.When Henry Alford wrote about his experience with a Zumba class for The New York Times, little did he realize that it was the start of something much bigger. Dance would grow and take on many roles for Henry: exercise, confidence builder, an excuse to travel, a source of ongoing wonder and—when he dances with Alzheimer's patients—even a kind of community service.Tackling a wide range of forms (including ballet, hip-hop, jazz, ballroom, tap, contact improvisation, Zumba, swing), this grand tour takes us through the works and careers of luminaries ranging from Bob Fosse to George Balanchine, Twyla Tharp to Arthur Murray. Rich in insight and humor, Alford mines both personal experience and fascinating cultural history to offer a witty and ultimately moving portrait of how dance can express all things human.
And Then We Danced: A Voyage into the Groove
When Henry Alford wrote about his experience with a Zumba class for The New York Times, little did he realize that it was the start of something much bigger. Dance would grow and take on many roles for Henry: exercise, stress reliever, confidence builder, an excuse to travel, a source of ongoing wonder, and—when he dances with Alzheimer’s patients—even a kind of community service.Tackling a wide range of forms (including ballet, hip-hop, jazz, ballroom, tap, contact improvisation, Zumba, swing), Alford’s grand tour takes us through the works and careers of luminaries ranging from Bob Fosse to George Balanchine, Twyla Tharp to Arthur Murray. Rich in insight and humor, Alford mines both personal experience and fascinating cultural history to offer a witty and ultimately moving portrait of how dance can express all things human. And Then We Danced “is in one sense a celebration of hoofer in all its wonder and variety, from abandon to refinement. But it is also history, investigation, memoir, and even, in its smart, sly way, self-help…very funny, but more, it is joyful—a dance all its own” (Vanity Fair).
Would Everybody Please Stop?: Reflections on Life and Other Bad Ideas
"One of the funniest writers in America."That’s what The New Yorker’s Andy Borowitz calls Jenny Allen - and with good reason. In her debut essay collection, the longtime humorist and performer declares no subject too sacred, no boundary impassable.With her eagle eye for the absurd and hilarious, Allen reports from the potholes midway through life’s journey. One moment she’s flirting shamelessly - and unsuccessfully - with a younger man at a wedding; the next she’s stumbling upon X-rated images on her daughter’s computer. She ponders the connection between her ex-husband’s questions about the location of their silverware, and the divorce that came a year later. While undergoing chemotherapy, she experiments with being a “wig person.” And she considers those perplexing questions that we never pause to ask: Why do people say “It is what it is”? What’s the point of fat-free half-and-half ? And haven’t we heard enough about memes?Jenny Allen’s musings range fluidly from the personal to the philosophical. She writes with the familiarity of someone telling a dinner party anecdote, forgoing decorum for candor and comedy. To read Would Everybody Please Stop? is to experience life with imaginative and incisive humor.
A humor classic by one of the funniest writers today, SIDE EFFECTS is a treat for all those who know his work and those just discovering how gifted he is. Included here are such classics as REMEMBERING NEEDLEMAN, THE KUGELMASS EPISODE, a new sory called CONFESSIONS OF A BUGLAR, and more.
Bad Choices: How Algorithms Can Help You Think Smarter and Live Happier
A relatable, interactive, and funny exploration of algorithms, those essential building blocks of computer science - and of everyday life - from the author of the wildly popular Bad Arguments.Algorithms - processes that are made up of unambiguous steps and do something useful - make up the very foundations of computer science. But they also inform our choices in approaching everyday tasks, from managing a pile of clothes fresh out of the dryer to deciding what music to listen to.With Bad Choices, Ali Almossawi presents twelve scenes from everyday life that help demonstrate and demystify the fundamental algorithms that drive computer science, bringing these seemingly elusive concepts into the understandable realms of the everyday.Readers will discover how:• Matching socks can teach you about search and hash tables • Planning trips to the store can demonstrate the value of stacks • Deciding what music to listen to shows why link analysis is all-important • Crafting a succinct Tweet draws on ideas from compression • Making your way through a grocery list helps explain priority queues and traversing graphs • And more As you better understand algorithms, you’ll also discover what makes a method faster and more efficient, helping you become a more nimble, creative problem-solver, ready to face new challenges. Bad Choices will open the world of algorithms to all readers, making this a perennial go-to for fans of quirky, accessible science books.
La Musica En Mi Vida: Memorias, Canciones Y Suenos Cumplidos
En este libro de memorias llenas de humor y sentimiento, la comediante, escritora y productora Cristela Alonzo comparte relatos personales de su formación como una mexicoestadounidense de primera generación que creció en Texas y persiguió sus sueños para dedicarse a la comedia.
I Heart My Little A-Holes
Popular blogger Karen Alpert shares her hysterical take on the many "joys" of parenting--I Heart My Little A-Holes is full of hilarious stories, lists, thoughts and pictures that will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.
Gross Anatomy: A Field Guide to Loving Your Body, Warts and All
Mara Altman's volatile and apprehensive relationship with her body has led her to wonder about a lot of stuff over the years. Like, who decided that women shouldn't have body hair? And how sweaty is too sweaty? Also, why is breast cleavage sexy but camel toe revolting? Isn't it all just cleavage? These questions and others like them have led to the comforting and sometimes smelly revelations that constitute Gross Anatomy, an essay collection about what it's like to operate the bags of meat we call our bodies.Divided into two sections, "The Top Half" and "The Bottom Half," with cartoons scattered throughout, Altman's book takes the reader on a wild and relatable journey from head to toe--as she attempts to strike up a peace accord with our grody bits.With a combination of personal anecdotes and fascinating research, Gross Anatomy holds up a magnifying glass to our beliefs, practices, biases, and body parts and shows us the naked truth: that there is greatness in our grossness.
Until Donald Trump publishes the ultimate account of his entire four or eight or one-and-a-half years in the White House, the definitive chronicle will be You Can’t Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year As President. Trump was elected because he was the most frank presidential candidate in history, a man eager to tell the unvarnished truth about others’ flaws and tout his own amazing excellence. Now he levels his refreshingly compulsive, un-PC candor at his landslide election victory as well as his role as commander-in-chief and leader of the free world.There are intimate, powerful, mind-boggling revelations on every page. You are there with him during his private encounters with world leaders, a few of whom he does not insult. You are there at the genius Oval Office strategy sessions with his advisers. You are there in his White House bedroom as he crafts the pre-dawn Twitter pronouncements that rock the world. And, of course, you are there on the golf course as Trump attempts to manage the burdens of his office. President Trump explains each of the historic decisions that have already made America great again, and how he always triumphs over the fake news media. You'll learn what he really thinks of his cabinet members and top aides not related to him, of the First Lady and the First Daughter and the additional three or four Trump children. Included at no extra charge is a lavish and exclusive portfolio of spectacular, historic and intimate color photographs of President Trump in private – inside the White House, inside Mar-a-Lago, at Trump Tower, and more. You Can’t Spell America Without Me is presented by America’s foremost Trump scholar Kurt Andersen as well as America's foremost mediocre Trump impersonator, Alec Baldwin.
Hyena is a collection of autobiographical stories by Jude Angelini, which takes the reader on his journey of heartbreak, depravity, and hilarity, deftly moving between his adult life and his childhood growing up in a factory town outside of Detroit. Each story is told with brutal honesty, yet maintains a gallows humor that will leave you shaking your head in disbelief. Jude is one of the top hip-hop radio hosts on Sirius Satellite radio. His self-published, print-on-demand edition of Hyena has been an indie bestseller, despite having no ebook or physical distribution. Its exploration of drugs, sex, and the human condition compares to Charles Bukowski, Hunter S. Thompson, Artie Lange, and Jim Norton. It also captures the hardscrabble culture, language, and landscape of post-industrial Detroit, from which came some of pop culture's most compelling artists.
If at Birth You Don't Succeed: My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny
“Hilarious and inspiring, Anner has made a life filled with fans, love, and Internet fame—reminding us that disability is no match for dreams.”—People (Book of the Week)“Zach Anner is way more than an inspirational figure for anyone who has ever felt impossibly different: he’s also a great f**king writer.”—Lena DunhamComedian Zach Anner opens his frank and devilishly funny book, If at Birth You Don't Succeed, with an admission: he botched his own birth. Two months early, underweight and under-prepared for life, he entered the world with cerebral palsy and an uncertain future. So how did this hairless mole-rat of a boy blossom into a viral internet sensation who's hosted two travel shows, impressed Oprah, driven the Mars Rover, and inspired a John Mayer song? (It wasn't "Your Body is a Wonderland.") Zach lives by the mantra: when life gives you wheelchair, make lemonade. Whether recounting a valiant childhood attempt to woo Cindy Crawford, encounters with zealous faith healers, or the time he crapped his pants mere feet from Dr. Phil, Zach shares his fumbles with unflinching honesty and characteristic charm. By his thirtieth birthday, Zach had grown into an adult with a career in entertainment, millions of fans, a loving family, and friends who would literally carry him up mountains. If at Birth You Don't Succeed is a hilariously irreverent and heartfelt memoir about finding your passion and your path even when it's paved with epic misadventure. This is the unlikely but not unlucky story of a man who couldn't safely open a bag of Skittles, but still became a fitness guru with fans around the world. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fall in love with the Olive Garden all over again, and learn why cerebral palsy is, definitively, "the sexiest of the palsies."
It's Garry Shandling's Book
Apatow, Judd (Edt)
Garry Shandling was a singular trailblazer in the comedy world. His two hit shows, It’s Garry Shandling’s Show and The Larry Sanders Show, broke new ground and influenced future sitcoms like 30 Rock and Curb Your Enthusiasm, and his stand-up laid the foundation for a whole new generation of comics. There’s no one better to tell Shandling’s story than Judd Apatow—Shandling gave Apatow one of his first jobs and remained his mentor for the rest of his life—and the book expands on Apatow’s Emmy Award-winning HBO documentary, The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling.Here, Apatow has gathered journal entries, photographs, and essays for a close-up look at the artist who turned his gaze back onto the world of show business. Beyond his success, though, Shandling struggled with fame, the industry of art, and the childhood loss of his brother, which forever affected his personal and professional lives. His diaries show Shandling to be self-aware and insightful, revealing a deep philosophical and spiritual side. Contributions by comedians and other leading lights of the industry, as well as people who grew up with Shandling, along with never-before-seen pieces of scripts and brilliant jokes that he never performed, shed new light on every facet of his life and work. This book is the final word on the lasting impact of the great Garry Shandling.
I Don't Want to Die Poor
A humorous and insightful essay collection that explores the financial and emotional costs of chasing your dreams.
How to Archer
Lying is like 95% of what I do. But believe me: in this book, I’ll let you know exactly how to become a master spy just like me. Obviously, you won’t be as good at it as I am, but that’s because you’re you, and I’m Sterling Archer.I know, I know, it sucks not being me.But don’t beat yourself up about it, because I’m going to show you all the good stuff - what to wear; what to drink; how to seduce women (and, when necessary, men); how to beat up men (and, when necessary, women); how to tell the difference between call girls and hookers (hint: when they’re dead, they’re just hookers) and everything about weapons, secret devices, lying ex-girlfriends, and turtlenecks. In a word? How to Archer.
The Fundies: The Essential Hockey Guide from On the Bench
GLOBE AND MAIL BESTSELLERPutting the old-school grease back in hockey, in the first ever written eppie!Do you have trouble sniping top corns or landing a big conny? Keep missing the net in praccy or losing all your tillys? Well boys, you might need the fundies. Canadian beauties Olly Postanin and Jacob Ardown are natural athletes, and are here to show you how to be a weapon on the ice. All the big-leaguers (like Connor McDavid and Drew Doughty, not a big deal) come to Olly and Jacob for help on hockey fundamentals (the fundies); now you can get the insider tips and tricks to become a legend yourself.   With their crucie knowledge of what makes hockey the best game in the world and all the greatest chirps, there is no other book like The Fundies. This guide to dominating the sport covers everything: history, skills development, throwing folded fives, training and choosing equipment, coaching, and all the ways to get respect on and off the ice. The boys will grease you through all you need to know and, if you stay focused, you’ll learn the essential skills necessary to dominate in the game. Throw on a bucket: you’re about to be hit with some grade A knowledge. From blocking biscuits and tickling twine to the perfect post-goal celly to impress the scouties, The Fundies is here to teach you how hockey is supposed to be played.
Pop Star Goddesses: And How to Tap Into Their Energies to Invoke Your Best Self
Armstrong, Jennifer Keishin
A compendium of thirty-five incredible female pop stars whose energies, virtues, and vices make them the ideal role models for our age—powerful women who can teach us all how to discover our own inner goddess.
Don't Wait Up: Confessions of a Stay-at-Work Mom
Some women feel that motherhood is a calling and their purpose on earth. They somehow manage to make pregnancy look effortless, bring out the beauty in a screaming child, and keep the back seat of their cars as spotless as their kitchens.And then there’s women like Liz Astrof. Who originally had children because "everyone else was."In this blunt and side-splittingly funny book of essays, Liz Astrof embraces the realities of motherhood (and womanhood) that no one ever talks about: like needing to hide from your kids in your closet, your car, or a yoga class on the other side of town, letting them eat candy for dinner because you just can't deal, to the sheer terror of failing them or at the very least losing them in a mall. And sometimes, many times, wondering if the whole parenting thing wasn’t for you.In vivid and relatable prose, she discusses her love for her career, how she’s managed to overcome some of her own dysfunctional childhood, and the ups and downs of raising the little demons she calls her own . . . from the office.Soul-baring, entertaining, and insightful, Don't Wait Up is an abashedly honest look at parenting and relationships for moms who realize that motherhood doesn’t have to be your entire life - just an amazing part of it - that you would definitely most likely do all over again.
American Tantrum: The Donald J. Trump Presidential Archives
A devastatingly hilarious satire that cuts closer to the truth than any nonfiction account: the creator and star of Comedy Central's acclaimed The President Show opens the vault and imagines Donald J. Trump's presidential archives, exposing documents from his childhood in Queens to his toddlerhood in the Oval Office.
Abridged Classics: Brief Summaries of Books You Were Supposed to Read but Probably Didn't
A collection of irreverent summations of more than 100 well-known works of literature, from Anna Karenina to Wuthering Heights, cleverly described in the fewest words possible and accompanied with funny color illustrations.Abridged Classics: Brief Summaries of Books You Were Supposed to Read but Probably Didn’t is packed with dozens of humorous super-condensed summations of some of the most famous works of literature from many of the world’s most revered authors, including William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Emily Brontë, Leo Tolstoy, Jane Austen, Mark Twain, J.R.R. Tolkien, Margaret Atwood, James Joyce, Plato, Ernest Hemingway, Dan Brown, Ayn Rand, and Herman Melville.From "Old ladies convince a guy to ruin Scotland" (Macbeth) to "Everyone is sad. It snows." (War and Peace), these clever, humorous synopses are sure to make book lovers smile.
Hot Dudes Reading
Humans of New York meets Porn for Women in this collection of candid photos, clever captions, and hilarious hashtags about one of the most important subjects of our time: hot dudes reading.Based on the viral Instagram account of the same name, Hot Dudes Reading takes its readers on a ride through all five boroughs of New York City, with each section covering a different subway line. Using their expert photography skills (covert iPhone shots) and journalistic ethics (#NoKindles), the authors capture the most beautiful bibliophiles in all of New York - and take a few detours to interview some of the most popular hot dudes from the early days of the Instagram account.Fun, irreverent, and wittily-observed, this book is tailor-made for book lovers in search of their own happy endings - and those who just want to get lost between the covers for a while.
Cubicle Warfare: 101 Office Traps and Pranks
Are your eyes beginning to glaze over from the fluorescent lights in your tiny cubicle? Have you had one too many burnt cups of coffee? Does the guy in the cube next to you insist on pencil-drumming while cranking "Hells Bells" and five-finger discounting your paper clips? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then you're in need of some Cubicle Warfare. With Cubicle Warfare, you'll never be bored at the office again. Make your coworkers jump, squeal, and run for cover with hilarious pranks such as the Paper Clip Chain, Bottomless Box, and the Sticky Note Office, as well as the more advanced Freezer Bomb, Chair Chaos, and Textless Keyboard. Even if you're not a prankster yourself, you can still use this riotous guide to recognize the warning signs and defend your desk from conniving coworkers. Bad days at the office will be a thing of the past.
HEY, U UP? (For a Serious Relationship) - How to Turn Your Booty Call into Your Emergency Contact
Who better to write a very humorous manual about evolving modern relationships than two CollegeHumor veterans and viral-video stars who happen to be a real-life husband-and-wife team? With candor, bite, and charm, HEY, U UP? takes readers on an eight-chapter journey through the trials of hooking up to the foibles of marriage, and combines the authors’ prescriptive advice with the unfolding story of their own relationship.
The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain
Ayres, Alex (Edt.)
Arranged alphabetically by topic, from Adam to Youth, and culled from his novels, speeches, letters, and conversations, this anthology of quotes is timeless and represents the very essence of Mark Twain - hilarious, cranky, and insightful.
Rock Critic Law: 101 Unbreakable Rules for Writing Badly About Music
Straight out of his beloved Twitter feed @RockCriticLaw, acclaimed rock journalist and author of the classic books Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana and Our Band Could Be Your Life, Michael Azerrad turns his trenchant eye to the art of rock writing itself, hilariously skewering 101 of the genre’s seemingly endless litany of hackneyed phrases and tropes.One of the finest music writers today, Michael Azerrad has catalogued the shortcuts, lazy metaphors and uninspired prose that so many of his beloved colleagues all too regularly rely on to fill column inches. In 2014, he began his wickedly droll Twitter feed @RockCriticLaw to expose and make fun of this word-hash. Now, he consolidates these "Laws" into one witty, comprehensive and fully illustrated volume.
You Can't Spell America Without Me (Donald J. Trump - A So-Called Parody)
"I have the best words, beautiful words, as everybody has been talking and talking about for a long time. Also? The best sentences and, what do you call them, paragraphs. My previous books were great and sold extremely, unbelievably well - even the ones by dishonest, disgusting so-called journalists. But those writers didn't understand Trump, because quite frankly they were major losers. People say if you want it done right you have to do it yourself, even when 'it' is a 'memoir.' So every word of this book was written by me, using a special advanced word processing system during the many, many nights I've been forced to stay alone in the White House - only me, just me, trust me, nobody helped. And it's all 100% true, so true - people are already saying it may be the truest book ever published. Enjoy."Until Donald Trump publishes the ultimate account of his entire four or eight or one-and-a-half years in the White House, the definitive chronicle will be You Can’t Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year As President. Trump was elected because he was the most frank presidential candidate in history, a man eager to tell the unvarnished truth about others’ flaws and tout his own amazing excellence. Now he levels his refreshingly compulsive, un-PC candor at his landslide election victory as well as his role as commander-in-chief and leader of the free world.There are intimate, powerful, mind-boggling revelations on every page. You are there with him during his private encounters with world leaders, a few of whom he does not insult. You are there at the genius Oval Office strategy sessions with his advisers. You are there in his White House bedroom as he crafts the pre-dawn Twitter pronouncements that rock the world. And, of course, you are there on the golf course as Trump attempts to manage the burdens of his office.President Trump explains each of the historic decisions that have already made America great again, and how he always triumphs over the fake news media. You'll learn what he really thinks of his cabinet members and top aides not related to him, of the First Lady and the First Daughter and the additional three or four Trump children. Included at no extra charge is a lavish and exclusive portfolio of spectacular, historic and intimate color photographs of President Trump in private – inside the White House, inside Mar-a-Lago, at Trump Tower, and more.
Pop Science: Serious Answers to Deep Questions Posed in Songs
A book of hilarious and fascinating answers to the most famous questions posed in pop songs, using data, facts, and science.What is love? How soon is now? How do you solve a problem like Maria? They're some of the most famous questions ever asked. But do you know the answers? In this fun and witty book, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist James Ball examines the economic status of doggies in windows, what war is good for, and what becomes of the brokenhearted to find out the definitive and entertaining answers. In doing so, he uncovers what we have always known--pop music is the key to life itself. With lyrics from Bob Dylan, Queen, Rihanna, the Ting Tings, Billy Joel, and a variety of other genre- and decade-spanning artists, this little hardcover's colorful graphs and Venn diagrams reveal the exact points where lowbrow pop culture and the highest science and philosophy meet.
Let's Be Weird Together: A Book About Love
This is a book about weird couples and the tiny two-person universes they create.It’s about accidentally wearing the exact same outfit. It’s about made-up songs. It’s about your rules for the thermostat. It’s about breakfast rituals, and funny nicknames, and long hugs, and that voice you pretend the cat has.If you’re half of a weird couple, or if you have a favorite weird couple, or if you just love love, this book is for you.Includes 1 sheet of temporary tattoos!
Sad Animal Facts
A delightful and quirky compendium of the Animal Kingdom's more unfortunate truths, with over 150 hand-drawn illustrations.
Dogs and Their People: Photos and Stories of Life with a Four-Legged Love
From the humans that brought you BarkBox (and BarkPost and BarkShop) finally comes Dogs and Their People. Finally, Bark & Co. has tapped the humans at BarkPost, the company's publishing arm, to put into words and photographs the first official BarkBook, capturing the depth, spirit, and power of the extraordinary bond between humans and their pups. Mostly community-sourced and filled with never-before-told anecdotes, stories, photos, and intimate insights, Dogs and Their People spotlights over 200 unique and remarkable dogs. Some are celebri-dogs while others are just making their debut; some will make your heart ache, while others will make it soar; and others simply look really dapper in color. All bring to life and celebrate the crazy, consuming, insatiable love we feel for the World's Ultimate Best Friend in a book that is the perfect gift for Dog Lovers everywhere..
The Harm in Asking - My Clumsy Encounters with the Human Race
Welcome to the perverse and hilarious mind of Sara Barron. In The Harm in Asking, she boldly addresses the bizarre indignities of everyday life: from invisible pets to mobster roommates, from a hatred of mayonnaise to an unrequited love of k.d. lang, from the ruinous side effect of broccoli to the sheer delight of a male catalogue model. In a voice that is incisive and entirely her own, Barron proves herself the master of the awkward, and she achieves something wonderful and rare: a book that makes you laugh out loud.
Best. State. Ever. A Florida Man Defends His Homeland
A brilliantly funny exploration of the Sunshine State from the man who knows it best: Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times-bestselling author Dave Barry. We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, "What the hell is wrong with Florida?" Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Sure, there was the 2000 election. And people seem to take their pants off for no good reason. And it has flying insects the size of LeBron James. But it is a great state, and Dave is going to tell you why. Join him as he celebrates Florida from Key West at the bottom to whatever it is that's at the top, from the Sunshine State's earliest history to the fun-fair of weirdness that it is today. It's the most hilarious book yet from "the funniest damn writer in the whole country" (Carl Hiaasen, and he should know). By the end, you'll have to admit that whatever else you might think about Florida--you can never say it's boring.
A Field Guide to the Jewish People
From three award-winning and bestselling humor writers comes a hilarious guide to everything you need to know about Jewish history, holidays, and traditions.Why do random Jewish holidays keep springing up unexpectedly? Why are yarmulkes round? Who was the first Jewish comedian? What's "Christian humor" and have you ever even heard of that phrase? Who is "the Golem" and whom do you want it to beat up?These baffling questions and many more are answered by comedy legends Dave Barry, Adam Mansbach, and Alan Zweibel, two-thirds of whom are Jewish. In A Field Guide to the Jewish People the authors dissect every holiday, rite of passage, and tradition, unravel a long and complicated history, and tackle the tough questions that have plagued Jews and non-Jews alike for centuries.Combining the sweetness of an apricot rugelach with the wisdom of a matzoh ball, this is the last book on Judaism that you will ever need. So gather up your chosen ones, open a bottle of Manischewitz, and get ready to laugh as you finally begin to understand the inner-workings of Judaism.
For This We Left Egypt? - A Passover Haggadah for Jews and Those Who Love Them
If you’ve ever suffered through a Passover Seder, you’re well aware of the fact that the entire evening can feel like we’re still in bondage. There are endless stories, frequent hand washing, and not enough eating. The book you hold before you is no ordinary Haggadah. For This We Left Egypt? is a hilarious and entertaining parody from the comedic minds of Dave Barry, Alan Zweibel, and Adam Mansbach. These award-winning comedy writers take you through every step of the Seder, from getting rid of all the chametz in your house by setting it on fire with a standard blowtorch (preferably outdoors), to breaking the middle matzah—that is, if you can find a piece that isn’t already broken, to a hilariously absurd retelling of the Passover story featuring Pharaoh Schmuck, a burning bush that sounds kind of like Morgan Freeman, and the Promised Land which turned out not to be a land of milk and honey but rather one of rocks and venomous scorpions the size of Yorkshire terriers. Also included are useless commentary, absurd two-color illustrations, and thought-provoking discussion questions throughout such as: Is Manischewitz considered a plague? Publishing just in time for Passover, this book will be the perfect gift book from G-d that you’ll want to share and laugh over with friends and family.
I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood
Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Let Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey a little easier - and a lot funnier - with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood - and even vampires!
Lessons From Lucy: The Simple Joys of an Old, Happy Dog
As Dave Barry turns seventy - not happily - he realizes that his dog, Lucy, is dealing with old age far better than he is. She has more friends, fewer worries, and way more fun. So Dave decides to figure out how Lucy manages to stay so happy, to see if he can make his own life happier by doing the things she does (except for drinking from the toilet). He reconnects with old friends and tries to make new ones - which turns out to be a struggle, because Lucy likes people a lot more than he does. And he gets back in touch with two ridiculous but fun groups from his past: the Lawn Rangers, a group of guys who march in parades pushing lawnmowers and twirling brooms (alcohol is involved), and the Rock Bottom Remainders, the world’s oldest and least-talented all-author band. With each new lesson, Dave riffs hilariously on dogs, people, and life in general, while also pondering Deep Questions, such as when it’s okay to lie. (Answer: when scallops are involved.)
Live Right and Find Happiness (Although Beer is Much Faster)
During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, American humourist Dave Barry has learned much of wisdom,* (*actual wisdom not guaranteed) and he is eager to pass it on to the next generation, the generation after that and to those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience. By the end of this book, if you do not feel wiser, richer in knowledge, more attuned to the universe... We wouldn't be at all surprised. But you'll have had a lot to laugh about!
Award-winning actress Drew Barrymore shares funny, insightful, and profound stories from her past and present told from the place of happiness she's achieved today.Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross country road trip, saying goodbye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today. It is the first book Drew has written about her life since the age of 14.
Gun Guys: A Road Trip
Dan Baum is a gun fanatic. He is also Jewish Democrat who grew up in suburban New Jersey. In Gun Guys, he takes us on a guided tour of gun stores and gun shows, shooting ranges and festivals, contests and auctions, trying to figure out what draws so many of us to guns in the first place. Is it just part of being American?  Introducing a wide cast of characters, Baum shows both sides of the gun culture in America, bringing an entire world vividly to life, and in doing so helping to find a middle ground in the gun debate, where actual conversation can take place.
Spinglish- the devious dialect of English used by professional spin doctors - is all around us. And the fact is, until you've mastered it, politicians and corporations (not to mention your colleagues and friends) will continue putting things over on you, and generally getting the better of you, every minute of every day, without your even knowing it. However, once you perfect the art of terminological inexactitude, you'll be the one manipulating and one-upping everyone else! And here's the beauty part: Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf, authors of the New York Times semi-best-seller The Official Politically Correct Dictionary and Handbook, have compiled this handy yet astonishingly comprehensive lexicon and translation guide - a fictionary, if you will - to help you do just that. If you want to succeed in business, or politics, sports, the arts, or life in general, without really lying, this is the book for you! (Your results may vary.) Spinglishincludes these nifty bits of spurious verbiage and over a thousand more: Aesthetic procedure. Face-lift. Enhanced interrogation techniques. Torture. Hands-on mentoring. Sexual relations with a junior employee. rightsizing. Firing people. Dairy nutrients. Cow manure. For your convenience. For our convenience. Incomplete success. Failure. Zero-tasking. Doing nothing. With each and every entry sourced from some of the greatest real-life language benders in the world today, you're virtually guaranteed to have the perfectly chosen tried-and-untrue term right at the tip of your forked tongue. Wish you could nimbly sidestep a question without batting an eye? Not sure how to apologize while also . . . not apologizing? Spinglishhas you covered. Simply consult this convenient, shoot-from-the-lip glossary, and before you know it, you'll be telling it like it isn't, it wasn't, and it couldn't ever have been.
I Know I Am, but What Are You?
Candid, outspoken, laugh-out-loud funny essays from the much-loved Samantha Bee, the Most Senior Correspondent on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart . Critics have called her "sweet, adorable, and vicious." But there is so much more to be said about Samantha Bee. For one, she's Canadian. Whatever that means. And now, she opens up for the very first time about her checkered Canadian past. With charming candor, she admits to her love of baby animals, her teenage crime spree as one-half of a car-thieving couple (Bonnie and Clyde in Bermuda shorts and braces), and the fact that strangers seem compelled to show her their genitals. She also details her intriguing career history, which includes stints working in a frame store, at a penis clinic, and as a Japanese anime character in a touring children's show. Samantha delves into all these topics and many more in this thoroughly hilarious, unabashedly frank collection of personal essays. Whether detailing the creepiness that ensues when strangers assume that your mom is your lesbian lover, or recalling her girlhood crush on Jesus (who looked like Kris Kristofferson and sang like Kenny Loggins), Samantha turns the spotlight on her own imperfect yet highly entertaining life as relentlessly as she skewers hapless interview subjects on The Daily Show. She shares her unique point of view on a variety of subjects as wide ranging as her deep affinity for old people, to her hatred of hot ham. It's all here, in irresistible prose that will leave you in stitches and eager for more.
The Great Gasbag: An A-to-Z Study Guide to Surviving Trump World
One of our most beloved comedians, the brilliantly witty and outspoken star of The View, hits the most unpopular President ever elected where it hurts - and makes us laugh and cheer - in this hilarious alphabetical guide to everything that’s wrong with the "Orange One," Donald Trump.Put down the knife, lock away the gun, lay aside the noose, Joy Behar is here to save you from suicide as she hot walks you through the next four years (two if we are lucky, less if liberal dreams come true). Besides despair, the sane response to the insanity in the White House is laughter. On her hit ABC daytime show The View, Joy has been blunt in her condemnation of the comb over-in-chief, and her words have electrified and inspired millions in the resistance for whom #notmypresident has become a rallying cry.The Great Gasbag is Joy’s answer to the hell that is the Trump Orange House. Structured as an A-Z guide (G is for Gold . . . en shower; P is for Pence and pussy-grabbing; T is for Tweets; Twits, and Twats, etc.), Joy, joined by New York Times bestselling humor author Larry Amoros, offers much-needed doses of levity and humor for everyone determined to #resist. With a major network television profile and a social media audience in the millions, this fearlessly confident star has a powerful platform to entertain Americans of all stripes - from Never Trumpers to fired-up progressives - as she takes on the worst president since . . . well, since ever.
The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell
Bell, W. Kamau
You may know W. Kamau Bell from his new, Emmy-nominated hit show on CNN, United Shades of America. Or maybe you’ve read about him in the New York Times, which called him “the most promising new talent in political comedy in many years.” Or maybe from The New Yorker, fawning over his brand of humor writing: "Bell’s gimmick is intersectional progressivism: he treats racial, gay, and women’s issues as inseparable."After all this love and praise, it’s time for the next step: a book. The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell is a humorous, well-informed take on the world today, tackling a wide range of issues, such as race relations; fatherhood; the state of law enforcement today; comedians and superheroes; right-wing politics; left-wing politics; failure; his interracial marriage; white men; his up-bringing by very strong-willed, race-conscious, yet ideologically opposite parents; his early days struggling to find his comedic voice, then his later days struggling to find his comedic voice; why he never seemed to fit in with the Black comedy scene . . . or the white comedy scene; how he was a Black nerd way before that became a thing; how it took his wife and an East Bay lesbian to teach him that racism and sexism often walk hand in hand; and much, much more.
The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell
Bell, W. Kamau
You may know W. Kamau Bell from his new, Emmy-nominated hit show on CNN, United Shades of America. Or maybe you’ve read about him in the New York Times, which called him "the most promising new talent in political comedy in many years." Or maybe from The New Yorker, fawning over his brand of humor writing: "Bell’s gimmick is intersectional progressivism: he treats racial, gay, and women’s issues as inseparable."After all this love and praise, it’s time for the next step: a book. The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell is a humorous, well-informed take on the world today, tackling a wide range of issues, such as race relations; fatherhood; the state of law enforcement today; comedians and superheroes; right-wing politics; left-wing politics; failure; his interracial marriage; white men; his up-bringing by very strong-willed, race-conscious, yet ideologically opposite parents; his early days struggling to find his comedic voice, then his later days struggling to find his comedic voice; why he never seemed to fit in with the Black comedy scene . . . or the white comedy scene; how he was a Black nerd way before that became a thing; how it took his wife and an East Bay lesbian to teach him that racism and sexism often walk hand in hand; and much, much more.
Awkward Family Pet Photos
The authors of the New York Times bestseller Awkward Family Photos are back with a hilarious tribute to the unbreakable and sometimes uncomfortable bond between people and their pets. There are few things more rewarding than having a pet. They love us unconditionally, shower us with attention, and because of them, we actually live longer. So, what can possibly be awkward about our animal BFFs? Well . . . nothing. In fact, we're the awkward ones. We adore our pets, but let's face it--sometimes L-O-V-E makes us go a little overboard. Like giving them middle names, throwing them elaborate birthday parties, and making them a Christmas sweater to match with the rest of the family. Truth is, what they cherish most is our companionship. And maybe that's the reason we care about them so much--because for such simple pleasures, they allow us to be as awkward as we want.
Awkward Family Photos
Based on the hit website, AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com, this full color book features never-before-seen photos and hilarious personal stories covering everything from uncomfortable moments with relatives, teen angst, sibling rivalry, and family vacations from hell. Cringe at the forced poses, bad hair, and matching outfits - all prompting us to look at our own families and celebrate the fact that we're not alone. Nothing says awkward better than an uncomfortable family photograph!
Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir
Benjamin, H. Jon
H. Jon Benjamin - the lead voice behind Archer and Bob's Burgers - helps us all feel a little better about our failures by sharing his own in a hilarious memoir-ish chronicle of failure.
Feminist Fight Club: A Survival Manual for a Sexist Workplace
It was a fight club—but without the fighting or the men. Every month, women would gather in a New York apartment to share sexist-job frustrations and trade strategies for how to tackle them. For years, these meetings were kept secret. But the time has come to talk about the club. In Feminist Fight Club, acclaimed journalist Jessica Bennett blends the personal story of her real-life fight club with a studied assessment of the gender gap that continues to plague the American workplace. With equal measures wit and rigor, Bennett provides the tactical strategies—and the camaraderie—every woman needs to fight back, as well as tools for the men who support the cause.
Feminist Fight Club: An Office Survival Manual for a Sexist Workplace
Part manual, part manifesto, Feminist Fight Club is a hilarious yet incisive guide to navigating subtle sexism at work, providing real-life career advice and humorous reinforcement for a new generation of professional women.It was a fight club - but without the fighting and without the men. Every month, the women would huddle in a friend’s apartment to share sexist job frustrations and trade tips for how best to tackle them. Once upon a time, you might have called them a consciousness-raising group. But the problems of today’s working world are more subtle, less pronounced, harder to identify - and harder to prove - than those of their foremothers. These women weren’t just there to vent. They needed battle tactics. And so the fight club was born.Hard-hitting and entertaining, Feminist Fight Club blends personal stories with research, statistics, and no-bullsh*t expert advice. Bennett offers a new vocabulary for the sexist workplace archetypes women encounter everyday - such as the Manterrupter who talks over female colleagues in meetings or the Himitator who appropriates their ideas - and provides practical hacks for navigating other gender landmines in today’s working world. With original illustrations, Feminist Mad Libs, a Negotiation Cheat Sheet, and fascinating historical research, Feminist Fight Club tackles both the external (sexist) and internal (self-sabotaging) behaviors that plague women in the workplace - as well as the system that perpetuates them.
The Burn Cookbook: An Unofficial Unauthorized Cookbook for Mean Girls Fans
THE BURN COOKBOOK is a hilarious, delicious must-have cookbook for chefs (and wannabes) everywhere! Jonathan Bennett (that's right, Aaron Samuels himself) dishes out a tasty parody of Mean Girls, serving up behind-the-scenes stories from the movie alongside awesome recipes for treats that your favorite mean girls should be enjoying in Girl World. Like math, the language of food is the same in every country, and this cookbook is packed with amazing creations like Fetch-uccine Alfredo, You Go, Glenn (Hot) Cocoa, and Just Stab Caesar Salad. Written with the help of rock star chef Nikki Martin, Jonathan also shares his favorite recipes from his own childhood, like his mom's famous stuffed shells, mandarin chicken salad, and other specialties that will round out any special event. Perfect for happy hour (don't forget it's from 4:00 to 6:00 PM), Wednesdays, or when sweatpants are the only thing that fits, THE BURN COOKBOOK is a must-own book for any food lover still trying making fetch happen.
The Jumbo Duct Tape Book
Did you know that duct tape can turn any item of clothing into rainwear? With two-thirds of the material drawn from their books and calendars and one-third all new, "The Jumbo Duct Tape Book" is over 450 pages of duct tape tips, sightings, and breathtakingly stupid ideas. It's Jim and Tim's wackiest and tackiest collection ever.
Away with Words: An Irreverent Tour Through the World of Pun Competitions
Fast Company reporter Joe Berkowitz investigates the bizarre and hilarious world of pun competitions from the Punderdome 3000 in Brooklyn to the World competition in Austin.When Joe Berkowitz witnessed his first Punderdome competition, it felt wrong in the best way. Something impossible seemed to be happening. The kinds of jokes we learn to repress through social conditioning were not only being aired out in public - they were being applauded. As it turned out, this monthly show was part of a subculture that’s been around in one form or another since at least the late ‘70s. Its pinnacle is the O. Henry Pun Off World Championship, an annual tournament in Austin, Texas. As someone who is terminally self-conscious, Joe was both awed and jealous of these people who confidently killed with the most maligned form of humor. In this immersive ride into the subversive world of pun competitions, we meet punsters weird and wonderful and Berkowitz is our tour guide. Puns may show up in life in subtle ways sometimes, but once you start thinking in puns you discover they’re everywhere. Berkowitz’s search to discover who makes them the most, and why, leads him to the professional comedian competitors on @Midnight, a TV show with a pun competition built into it, the writing staff of Bob’s Burgers, the punniest show on TV, and even a humor research conference. With his new unlikely band of punster brothers, he finally heads to Austin to compete in the World Championship. Of course, in befriending these comic misfits he also ended up learning that when you embrace puns you become a more authentic version of yourself.
Two Gentlemen of Lebowski: A Most Excellent Comedie and Tragical Romance
What if . . . William Shakespeare had written The Big Lebowski? The Dude has met the Bard - and he doth abide. Join "The Knave" and Sir Walter on a wild tale of mistaken identity, kidnapping, bowling, and a rug that, in faith, really tied the room together - in a sidesplitting Shakespearean comedy of errors and ninepins, told in five glorious acts of iambic pentameter and impeccable period prose. Already a theatrical hit and a worldwide viral phenomenon, Two Gentlemen of Lebowski comes alive anew in this definitive and lavishly illustrated edition, featuring recently discovered historical engravings, scholarly annotations, and a revelatory afterword from the author.
When's Happy Hour?: Work Hard So You Can Hardly Work
We get it. You run shit. You can go from being blackout at drunk brunch to being ready to meet your new boyfriend’s parents in two seconds. But how do you go from being the boss of your personal life to taking charge of your career? That’s where the Betches come in.We are dedicated to making you the most successful, betchiest career woman you can be. After all, we only became Betches after we worked like, really hard. And now we’re confident enough to help you become the best. You’re welcome. You can thank us later. As New York Times bestselling author Jessica Knoll says, “I only ever want the cold, hard truth from a betch.”So whether you’re trying to become a CEO, navigate an office hookup, or just save enough money to go to happy hour twice a week, we’re here to help. It’s time to channel your inner Elle Woods, Miranda Priestly, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Per our last email, you better read this.
Few classic works of literature have excited such enduring popular interest among the general public as Frankenstein. But suppose the characters—Victor Frankenstein, Captain Robert Walton, and, yes, even the “monster"—had shared their tale in tweets? #Frankenstein; Or, The Modern Prometheus in Tweets hilariously reimagines Mary Shelley's classic gothic novel in about two hundred tweets, each 280 characters or less.In this witty abridgment, Victor Frankenstein's quest to create a sentient being is retold with the occasional emoji. The plight of his monstrous creation is presented with internet acronyms. And Captain Robert Walton ponders the blinding power of ambition with hashtags.Including an appendix that presents the original passages upon which each tweet is derived, #Frankenstein offers modern readers an entertaining and accessible companion to a great American classic.
Shakespeare, Not Stirred: Cocktails for Your Everyday Dramas
In Shakespeare, Not Stirred, two professors mix equal parts booze and Bard to help you through your everyday dramas. It's like having Shakespeare right there in your living room, downing a great drink and putting your crappy day in perspective. So get out your cocktail shaker and lend him your ears. Each original cocktail and hors d'oeuvre recipe connects Shakespeare's characters to life's daily predicaments: * Drown your sorrows after a workplace betrayal with Othello's Green-Eyed Monster * Distract yourself from domestic drama with Kate's Shrew-driver or Cleopatra's Flings in a Blanket * Recapture your youth with Puck's Magic 'Shrooms * Mark a romantic occasion with Beatrice and Benedick's Much Ado About Frothing Featuring classic images from the Folger Shakespeare Library (hilariously doctored to feature some hard-partying Shakespearean protagonists) and Mini-Bards you can raid for extra context and commentary, Shakespeare, Not Stirred is a completely intoxicating experience.
Maeve's Times: In Her Own Words
Maeve Binchy is well known for her bestselling novels, but for many years Maeve was a journalist. From 'The Student Train' to 'Plane Bores' and 'Bathroom Joggers' to 'When Beckett met Binchy', these articles have all the warmth, wit and humanity of her fiction. Arranged in decades, from the 1960s to the 2000s, and including Maeve's first and last ever piece of writing for the Irish Times, the columns also give a fascinating insight into the author herself.With an introduction written by her husband, the writer Gordon Snell, this collection of timeless writing reminds us of why the leading Irish writer was so universally loved.
The New Yorker Encyclopedia of Cartoons
Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers
This monumental, two-volume, slip-cased collection includes nearly 10 decades worth of New Yorker cartoons selected and organized by subject with insightful commentary by Bob Mankoff and a foreword by David Remnick.
A Guinea Pig Christmas Carol (Guinea Pig Classics)
Miserable to the core and wholly unwilling to celebrate Christmas, the miserly Ebenezer Scrooge says "Bah, Humbug!" to the festive season. But then one chilly night he is visited by three Spirits, who take him on a journey through time so he can learn the error of his ways before it's too late . . .This is Charles Dickens's heart-warming story about what Christmas means, retold in an entirely new way.
The Mincing Mockingbird Guide to Troubled Birds
Blue Rider Press
The Mincing Mockingbird Guide to Troubled Birds is an illustrated pocket field guide that enables anyone to quickly identify psychotic, violent, or mentally unstable bird species. Written in nontechnical language for the layperson, it describes where to find - and where to avoid - the most seriously disturbed North American birds. Throughout the book you will read tales of murder, assault, mental breakdowns, obesity, drug abuse, and infidelity among these birds. This guide, while ignored by leading ornithologists, is used and recommended by law enforcement agencies worldwide. We are only just discovering the reality of our avian adversaries, with their reptilian brains, their appetites for mayhem, and the fact that they fly mostly to spite us. To ignore the information found within this volume may be at the peril of your very life.
I Can't Believe It's Not Buddha!: What Fake Buddha Quotes Can Teach Us About Buddhism
Quotes from the Buddha are everywhere: on Facebook, Instagram, coffee mugs, posters. There's only one problem: the Buddha didn't actually say most of them. This humorous and informative book takes these fake Buddha quotes as a launching point for a discussion on what the Buddha really did say, and is a great entry point for those interested in learning more about Buddhism--what it is, and what it isn't.
Welcome to some of the most eccentric experiments ever conducted in the name of science.In this sequel to the bestseller Elephant on Acid, Alex Boese mines four centuries of scientific research to uncover a mind-boggling array of mad scientists, psychoneurotic goats and civilized chimps.You will hear the chilling story of the scientists who attempted to blow up the moon; meet the Amazing Electrified Flying Boy; and the quantum physicist who attempted to mimic Schrodinger's cat by being both alive and dead at the same time . . .
Teachers: There is No Such Thing as a Hot Coffee & Other Teacher Truths
Get ready to go behind the desk with this insider's look at a year in the life of an everyday educator. Written by teachers for teachers, this hilarious snapshot into the lives of the overworked and underpaid will have you laughing so loud, you'll worry it might get confiscated.
Trump: From A to Z
A humorous illustrated alphabet book about America's 45th President.Real news. Fake president.President Donald Trump has been a godsend for comedians and the press, and a persistent midge for critics. From day one in his campaign to his first day in office to this morning's news, he has provided rich fodder for his critics, humorists and the press.Trump From A to Z comes out of the gate blazing. Mischievous humor lights a match under the most shocking, controversial and predictable of the activities, political faux pas, personal insults, missteps, lies and exaggerations that Americans and the world have witnessed during his campaign and his White House on the golf course. Witty caricatures of the man himself and editorial cartoons add to the absurdity.
Adulthood For Beginners: All the Life Secrets Nobody Bothered to Tell You
It's no secret that being a grown-up can be hard. Most people spend a decade or more figuring out the unwritten rules of life through trial and error (mostly error).Does Andy Boyle have everything figured out? No. But the honest and good-natured advice in this genuinely helpful book will help any newly minted adult get through the hard parts faster, guaranteed. (Note: sorry, not literally guaranteed.)Topics include:* The A**hole Test* "Friend Zone," "Adulting," and Other Things to Stop Saying* Should I Get Back with My Ex? (Spoiler: No)* Networking Like a Not Gross Person* Failing Isn't Failure, and Other Mostly Good Rules to Live By* Don't Be CreepyPerfect for anyone who's ready to graduate into adulthood, or at least out of their mom's basement.
NATIONAL BESTSELLER We all know the system isn't working. Our governments are corrupt and the opposing parties pointlessly similar. Our culture is filled with vacuity and pap, and we are told there's nothing we can do: "It's just the way things are." In this book, Russell Brand hilariously lacerates the straw men and paper tigers of our conformist times and presents, with the help of experts as diverse as Thomas Piketty and George Orwell, a vision for a fairer, sexier society that's fun and inclusive. You have been lied to, told there's no alternative, no choice, and that you don't deserve any better. Brand destroys this illusory facade as amusingly and deftly as he annihilates Morning Joe anchors, Fox News fascists, and BBC stalwarts. This book makes revolution not only possible but inevitable and fun.
Go See the Principal: True Tales from the School Trenches
From an elementary school principal and popular YouTube personality, inspiration and humor for educators to tackle the challenges they face day-in and day-out.Gerry Brooks is an elementary school principal turned YouTube celebrity who entertains K-12 teachers, administrators, and parents across the country. He tells jokes with the kind of mocking humor that gets a laugh, yet can be safely shared in school. After all, even great schools have bad days -- when lesson plans fall through, disgruntled parents complain, kids throw temper tantrums because they have to use the same spoon for their applesauce and mashed potatoes, and of course, dealing with...The Horror! The Horror!...dreaded assessments. Ranging from practical topics like social media use in the classroom and parent-teacher conferences to more lighthearted sections such as "Pickup and Dropoff: An Exercise in Humanity" and "School Supplies: Yes, We Really Need All That Stuff," Go See the Principal offers comic relief, inspiration, and advice to those who need it the most.
Forbidden Knowledge: 101 Things No One Should Know How to Do
More than 100 hilarious and ridiculous things that you should never, ever do in real life.We all know that we should never fight a tiger or become a mafia boss, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t funny and fascinating to learn about. Forbidden Knowledge offers a collection of the most ridiculous things that you should never attempt in real life—but will make you laugh none the less. You’ll learn everything from how to take over a cult to swimming with piranhas to how to build an atomic bomb or escape from prison.Forbidden Knowledge invites you to embrace the absurd with pranks that are sure to make you laugh. With over 100 extremely bad ideas that you should never do, this entertaining and light-hearted book makes each hilarious scenario so much fun to imagine.
Sh*T My Kids Ruined
Brophy, Julie Haas
Quite possibly the best birth control on the market, Sh*t My Kids Ruined is a pictorial tribute to the filthy, distasteful, gross, and painful moments of parenthood, and the children who make it all possible. Kids: they are the light of your life—and the enemy of all things fragile, intact, and clean. But why cry over spilt milk . . . or paint . . . or the entire contents of a full-size swimming pool? A testament to the messiness of childhood (and parenting), and a memorial to the household items that perished along the way, here are never-before-seen photos and outrageous stories of VCRs jammed with toys, toilets clogged with clothes, and furniture accented with permanent marker. Torn-up computer keyboards and torn-out hair, botched family photos and mustard-covered treadmills - nothing is off limits to your darling, destructive offspring. So raise a broken glass and embrace the madness, because laughter is the only surefire way to keep your sh*t together.
Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 535 Easy(ish) Steps (Updated Edition)
Brown, Kelly Williams
If you graduated from college but still feel like a student . . . if you wear a business suit to job interviews but pajamas to the grocery store . . . if you have your own apartment but no idea how to cook or clean . . . it's OK. But it doesn't have to be this way.Just because you don't feel like an adult doesn't mean you can't act like one. And it all begins with this funny, wise, and useful book. Based on Kelly Williams Brown's popular blog, ADULTING, makes the scary, confusing "real world" approachable, manageable--and even conquerable. This guide will help you to navigate the stormy Sea of Adulthood so that you may find safe harbor in Not Running Out of Toilet Paper Bay, and along the way you will learn:• What to check for when renting a new apartment--Not just the nearby bars, but the faucets and stove, among other things.• When a busy person can find time to learn more about the world (It involves the intersection of NPR and hair-straightening.)• How to avoid hooking up with anyone in your office--Imagine your coworkers having plastic, featureless doll crotches. It helps.• The secret to finding a mechanic you love--Or, more realistically, one that will not rob you blind.From breaking up with frenemies to fixing your toilet, this way fun comprehensive handbook is the answer for aspiring grown-ups of all ages.
Long Story Short: 100 Classic Books in Three Panels
Literature is long. Comics are short.Does Proust get you down? Do you find The Unbearable Lightness of Being simply unbearable? Is The Inferno your own private hell? Do you long to be conversant about classics like Moby Dick, the Bhagavad Gita, Madame Bovary, and, um, Twilight?Bestselling illustrator Lisa Brown (The Airport Book; Baby, Mix Me a Drink) did her homework. Long Story Short offers 100 pithy and skewering three-panel literary summaries, from curriculum classics like Don Quixote, Lord of the Flies, and Jane Eyre to modern favorites like Beloved, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and Atonement, conveniently organized by subjects including “Love,” “Sex,” “Death,” and “Female Trouble.” Lisa Brown’s Long Story Short is the perfect way to turn a traipse through what your English teacher called “the canon” into a frolic—or to happily cram for the next occasion that requires you to appear bookish and well-read.
Your Mother Called, Again
We love our moms, but sometimes they make for the perfect comedy. From awkward questions to nagging phone calls, sometimes a mother’s love can be smothering. Laugh along with some of mom’s greatest follies, from the times she wants to set you up on a date with a doctor to checking to making sure you’ve eaten. The perfect gift for stressed out siblings and good-humored mothers alike, this book will have you in stitches.
Still With It!: The Funny Side of Growing Older
Heartfelt and humorous: An A to Z companion to growing older, filled with the unfiltered opinions and preoccupations of seniors todayWhen do we become “senior”? At age sixty? At retirement? Or, the moment we can’t do something that was previously simple? While there are endless books on “staying young,” there are precious few on embracing your age. Enter brilliant new aphorist Peter Buckman!In this appealing guide, Buckman distills over 200 A-to-Z topics into sage wisdom, such as: “Secrets are not all that safe when we grow forgetful about who we’re not supposed to share them with.” And, “Respect should be accorded us for our sheer survival, if not for our achievements!”Wry and revealing, Still With It! thoroughly examines the preoccupations of today’s seniors, and encourages readers of all ages to view elders in a brighter light: not just older, but also most certainly wiser.
How to Slay the Buffy Way: Badass Buffy Attitude and Killer Advice
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Full of feminist attitude, wisdom, and killer advice, How to Slay the Buffy Way showcases the most memorable moments of The Chosen One, her friends, foes, and eternal loves, and celebrates Buffy's unflinching approach to life.A treasure trove of Buffy's most memorable moments, How to Slay the Buffy Way inspires you to face any challenge and live fearlessly.
Prank Star Unleashed!
Prank Star Unleashed is the latest Prank Star title for pesky pranksters everywhere. Complete with jokes, doodles, and fill-in fun, kids who love mischief will be entertained for hours. Packed with good-natured and simple jokes designed to make even the most tolerant adult groan, this brilliant new book will be perfect for kids to share with their friends and family. Mischief has never been this much fun. Includes a fun fake ketchup packet for pranksters to use in their practical jokes.
Egghead or, You Can't Survive on Ideas Alone
Bo Burnham was a precocious teenager living in his parents' attic when he started posting material on YouTube. 100 million people viewed those videos, turning Bo into an online sensation with a huge and dedicated following. Bo taped his first of two Comedy Central specials four days after his 18th birthday, making him the youngest to do so in the channel's history. Now Bo is a rising star in the comedy world, revered for his utterly original and intelligent voice. And, he can SIIIIIIIIING! In EGGHEAD, Bo brings his brand of brainy, emotional comedy to the page in the form of off-kilter poems, thoughts, and more. Teaming up with his longtime friend, artist, and illustrator Chance Bone, Bo takes on everything from death to farts in this weird book that will make you think, laugh and think, "why did I just laugh?"
Cut It Out: Re-create Your Favorite Dictator's Hairstyle at Home--for Fun and Profit!
What do all despots and dictators across the ages have in common? Homicidal tendencies? Ruthless megalomania? A desire to enslave millions? Of course! But that isn't the whole story--it's all been foretold in the hair.Combing through history, every bad-ass from Genghis Khan to Donald Trump has clambered up the pole to ultimate power on the back of some of the most radical hairdos the world has seen. It's a proven scientific fact that the badder the dude, the bigger the rug statement - and Cut it Out features looks that will have you sprinting to the nearest salon to rock your locks.Cut it Out reveals just how the original 'dos were done and shares the intimate trade secrets of today's underground stylists hell-bent on creating total retro-hair war. Dust off that Mao suit, slip on that armband, and get ready for Big Bad Hair!
The Lazy Girl's Guide to Life: 100+ Ways to Hack Your Look, Love, and Work By Doing (Almost) Nothing!
This collection of humorous life hacks features 100 easy, low-commitment solutions to the everyday problems of the twenty-something woman.Do you have a lot to do but can’t seem to bring yourself to do it? The Lazy Girl’s Guide to Life can teach you how to get things done with as little effort as possible. Learn to simplify your beauty routine, keep up with your friendships, hack the dating game, and get by in the corporate world with these easy, low-commitment suggestions. You’ll find over 100 solutions to your most common problems, including:• Smoothing out frosting on store-bought cupcakes so they look homemade• Hiding dirty dishes in a soapy sink before company arrives• Washing and styling bangs (only) to avoid the limp hair look• Faking it as a food blogger to snag a dinner reservation• Reading the plot summary online before a book club meetingWith lazy girl–approved hacks that range from humorous advice to quick fixes, you’ll be able to find a temporary solution to simplify your life in no time!
Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said - Wit and Wisdom from America's Finest
The official tie-in book to the wildly popular Facebook page, featuring brand-new crazy, off-the-wall, outrageously funny, and downright “awesome” pearls of wisdom from real-life drill sergeants and instructors from all branches of the military.
A Dog's Purpose/A Dog's Journey
Cameron, W. Bruce
Two New York Times and USA Today bestselling novels together at last! More than just another charming dog story, A Dog's Purpose touches on the universal quest for an answer to life's most basic question: Why are we here? Heartwarming, insightful, and often laugh-out-loud funny, A Dog's Purpose is not only the emotional and hilarious story of a dog's many lives, but also a dog's-eye commentary on human relationships and the unbreakable bonds between man and man's best friend.When Buddy is reborn in A Dog's Journey, he realizes that he has a new destiny. He's overjoyed when he is adopted by a vibrant but troubled teenager. When they are suddenly separated, Buddy despairs - who will take care of his girl? A charming and heartwarming story of hope, love, and unending devotion, A Dog's Journey asks the question: Do we really take care of our pets, or do they take care of us?
How to Success! A Writer's Guide to Fame and Fortune
This parody self-help book for writers is filled with hilariously misguided tips, factual-looking charts, and other advice that knowingly pokes fun at writerly foibles while still cheering would-be authors on. With this book, struggling writers can find suggestions for effective paragraph shapes, tips on where to find inspiration (in your reflection, in the shapes of gum stuck to the ground, in a consultation with your doctor), thoughtful poses for author photos, pull-out procrastination excuses, and much more. How to Success! is filled with enough almost-helpful advice to keep aspiring writers amused, unblocked, and on their way to literary fame.
In the Beginning (Mental Floss)
Carmichael, Mary (Edt)
Sure, you know all about the birds and bees. But did Dad ever tell you that it wasn't a stork that put that shiny can opener in your kitchen drawer? Or paperclips started out as proud, Nazi-fighting warriors? And did he tell you how cruise control was originally conceived by a blind genius? From mullets to Silly Putty, lie detectors to karaoke, we've got the true stories behind everything you didn't think had stories. Because if you're looking for answers, In the Beginning is the place to start.
Daddy, Stop Talking! And Other Things My Kids Want But Won't Be Getting
Last Will & Testament of Adam Carolla I, Adam Carolla, being of beaten-down mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and addendums previously made by me. (You guys never did listen, anyway.) Article I I appoint the rest of the world's unappreciated dads as Personal Representatives to administer this Will. I bequeath to them the right to crack a couple cold ones in the garage after working their asses off all week and ask that they be permitted to watch all the porn they like and not have to change diapers and get dragged to every preschool "graduation" and PTA meeting. Article II To my wife, I leave a safe-deposit box, the sole content of which is a note reading "Get a job. I'm dead," and my best wishes on trying to keep up with the unending demands of our houses, cars, dog, and kids. Article III I devise, bequeath, and give my kids this book, Daddy, Stop Talking. Since you guys were the death of me, I leave you these pages of wisdom. But no cash, cars, or property. You've got to earn those. On that note, I further demand that the following message be placed on the marker of my grave: "You're All on Your Own Now. Enjoy."
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.
Not Taco Bell Material
Funnyman Adam Carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories, debuting some never-before-heard tales as well. Organized by the myriad "dumps" Carolla called home as a child to the flophouse apartments he rented in his twenties, up to the homes he personally renovated after achieving success in Hollywood, the anecdotes here follow Adam's journey and the hilarious pitfalls along the way.
President Me: The America That's in My Head
Imagine a world where New York Times bestselling author, comedian, actor, television, and podcast host Adam Carolla is the President of the United States. Can’t do it? You don’t have to! Adam has done it for you!Podcast king Adam Carolla first shared his unique, but always funny world view in his New York Times bestseller In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks - but he’s not done.In President Me, Carolla shares his vision for a different, better America free from big issues like big government down to small problems like hotel alarm clock placement. Running on an anti-narcissism platform, President Carolla calls for a return to the values of an earlier time when stew and casserole were on every dinner table and there were no “service dogs” on airplanes. President Me hits right at the heart of what makes our country really annoying, and offers a plan to make all of our lives, but mostly Adam’s, much better.
Can I Sit on Your Lap While You're Pooping?: Actual Quotes from an Actual Toddler to Her Actual Dad
As a single dad, Matthew Carroll didn’t always have someone to share in his frequent laughter and incredulity at the various things his daughter, Morgan, said. Hoping to document some of her best commentary, Carroll took to recording her choicest quotes on his iPhone when she was between the ages of three and five. He then compiled them chronologically in a small homemade volume for friends and family who, compelled by the hilarious and touching content, encouraged him to share it with a larger audience. Can I Sit on Your Lap While You’re Pooping? is the record of the hilarious, crazy, and touching pronouncements of a little girl, but it’s also the irresistible documentation of the love between a parent and child.
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