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The Super Book of Useless Information
Faster than a speeding bullet, more useless than ever before. The #1 New York Times bestselling series reaches new heights of irrelevance with this powerfully pointless, all-new collection of the things you never need to know. Do you actually care that... there are three feet of DNA in every cell? Saturn has 47 moons? March is National Frozen Foods Month? in 2010 a traffic jam in China lasted ten days? Would it improve your life to know... which movie star wanted to be a funeral director? which state has the most horses per square mile? which dictator was obsessed with Cheetos? what day of the year the most cars are stolen in the United States?
Lose Well: False Starts, Beautiful Disasters, Public Humiliations, and Other Secrets to Success
Setting flame to vision boards and tossing out the "seven simple steps" to achieving anything, comedian and host of the Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People podcast Chris Gethard celebrates crashing and burning as a lifelong pastime. Filled with hilarious fall-on-your-face tales of his many setbacks, missteps, and very public failures, Lose Well teaches us how to fail with grace, laugh on the way down, and how to turn our inevitable defeats into personal victories.
Not Taco Bell Material
Funnyman Adam Carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories, debuting some never-before-heard tales as well. Organized by the myriad "dumps" Carolla called home as a child to the flophouse apartments he rented in his twenties, up to the homes he personally renovated after achieving success in Hollywood, the anecdotes here follow Adam's journey and the hilarious pitfalls along the way.
The Liberal Redneck Manifesto: Draggin' Dixie Outta the Dark
The Liberal Rednecks - a Southern-based stand-up comedy group known for their scathing political satire - celebrate all that’s good about Dixie while leading a progressive revolution toward a New South.The American South is home to some of the best music, cuisine, athletics, whiskey, and weather the country has to offer, but its reputation as a haven for its "right-wing, Bible-beatin’, assault-rifle-totin’" citizens precedes it - and, according to the Liberal Rednecks, rightfully so. Yet, as they explain it, the situation in the South is far more complex than "hypocritical, nose-up-in-the-air Yankees" give it credit for. And they should know - they are native sons.Whip-smart, hilarious, and incisive, the Liberal Rednecks are lifelong, down-home Southern boys who aren’t afraid to call out the outdated traditions and intolerant attitudes of their native land - while also shining a proud light on the most misunderstood region of the country. Their mission: to provide a manifesto for young progressives south of the Mason-Dixon line to rise up and claim their homeland - without abandoning the best of their culture.Exploring race, class, guns, religion, drug addiction, alcoholism, and homophobia, the Liberal Rednecks tell it like it is while challenging stereotypes at every turn. Fresh, funny, and surprising, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto gives us a vision of Dixieland as it exists now - and what it could become.
Live Fast Die Hot
Jenny Mollen is a writer and actress living in New York. Until recently, her life was exciting, sexy, a little eccentric, and one hundred percent impulsive. She had a husband who embraced her crazy--who understood her need to occasionally stalk around the house in his ex-girlfriend's old beach caftans and to invite their drug dealer to Passover seder (so he wouldn't feel like they were using him only for drugs). Then they had their son, Sid, and overnight, Jenny was forced to grow up: to be responsible, to brush her hair, to listen to her voicemail. Searingly funny and surprisingly affecting, Live Fast Die Hot is a collection of stories about what happens when you realize that some things are more important than crafting the perfect tweet--and a reminder that even if you never thought you were cut out for parenting, at least you can be better at it than your mother.
Mama Tried: Dispatches from the Seamy Underbelly of Modern Parenting
New Yorker cartoonist Emily Flake relates the hilarious horrors of pregnancy, birth, and early parenting in this funny, poignant, and beautifully illustrated book. For most people, having a child doesn't go exactly as planned. Not many are willing to admit that not only did they dislike the early days of parenting, they sometimes hated it. MAMA TRIED is a relatable collection of cartoons and essays pertaining to the good, bad, and (very) ugly parenting experiences we all face. Subjects range from "are you ready for children?" to "baby gear class-warfare." With incredible honesty, Flake tackles everything from morning sickness to sleep training, shedding much needed light on the gnarly realities of breastfeeding, child proofing, mommy groups, and every unrealistic expectation in between. MAMA TRIED will be an indispensable companion for sleepless parents and a fond reminder for those already out of the woods.
Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir
Benjamin, H. Jon
H. Jon Benjamin - the lead voice behind Archer and Bob's Burgers - helps us all feel a little better about our failures by sharing his own in a hilarious memoir-ish chronicle of failure.
If at Birth You Don't Succeed: My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny
“Hilarious and inspiring, Anner has made a life filled with fans, love, and Internet fame—reminding us that disability is no match for dreams.”—People (Book of the Week)“Zach Anner is way more than an inspirational figure for anyone who has ever felt impossibly different: he’s also a great f**king writer.”—Lena DunhamComedian Zach Anner opens his frank and devilishly funny book, If at Birth You Don't Succeed, with an admission: he botched his own birth. Two months early, underweight and under-prepared for life, he entered the world with cerebral palsy and an uncertain future. So how did this hairless mole-rat of a boy blossom into a viral internet sensation who's hosted two travel shows, impressed Oprah, driven the Mars Rover, and inspired a John Mayer song? (It wasn't "Your Body is a Wonderland.") Zach lives by the mantra: when life gives you wheelchair, make lemonade. Whether recounting a valiant childhood attempt to woo Cindy Crawford, encounters with zealous faith healers, or the time he crapped his pants mere feet from Dr. Phil, Zach shares his fumbles with unflinching honesty and characteristic charm. By his thirtieth birthday, Zach had grown into an adult with a career in entertainment, millions of fans, a loving family, and friends who would literally carry him up mountains. If at Birth You Don't Succeed is a hilariously irreverent and heartfelt memoir about finding your passion and your path even when it's paved with epic misadventure. This is the unlikely but not unlucky story of a man who couldn't safely open a bag of Skittles, but still became a fitness guru with fans around the world. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fall in love with the Olive Garden all over again, and learn why cerebral palsy is, definitively, "the sexiest of the palsies."
So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y'all Don't Even Know
In her hilarious book of essays, Parks and Recreation star Retta shares the stories that led to her success in Hollywood.
I Am Bride: How to Take the WE Out of Wedding (and Other Useful Advice)
In this bridal gag gift, Laura Willcox writes in the voice of an overbearing, outrageous wedding planner, covering all aspects of a wedding—from the moment of engagement (hopefully with the ring you’ve been not so subtly emailing him about for months), all the way through the final minutes of the big day. Accompanied by Jason O’Malley’s humorous illustrations, Willcox offers tongue-in-cheek advice for every wedding-planning moment, whether it’s dreaming up the perfect wedding-weekend hashtag, planning a gift registry to make everyone jealous of your fabulous lifestyle, or figuring out how to distance yourself from the poor, unfortunate souls who didn’t make the cut for your guest list.Laura Willcox’s refreshing take on all things bride will turn tradition on its head, and have you rolling your eyes and reading passages out loud to your engaged (and married) friends. This funny book is a perfect gift for the friend who can’t stop pinning to her dream wedding board, bridezilla-to-be, or any bride who would benefit from a much-needed break from the stress and madness of wedding planning.
Dance of the Reptiles
If you think the wildest, wackiest stories that Carl Hiaasen can tell have all made it into his hilarious, bestselling novels, think again. Dance of the Reptiles collects the best of Hiaasen's Miami Herald columns, which lay bare the stories - large and small - that demonstrate anew that truth is far stranger than fiction.
No Happy Endings: A Memoir
Life has a million different ways to kick you right in the chops. We lose love, lose jobs, lose our sense of self. For Nora McInerny, it was losing her husband, her father, and her unborn second child in one catastrophic year.But in the wake of loss, we get to assemble something new from whatever is left behind. Some circles call finding happiness after loss “Chapter 2”—the continuation of something else. Today, Nora is remarried and mothers four children aged 16 months to 16 years. While her new circumstances bring her extraordinary joy, they are also tinged with sadness over the loved ones she’s lost.Life has made Nora a reluctant expert in hard conversations. On her wildly popular podcast, she talks about painful experiences we inevitably face, and exposes the absurdity of the question “how are you?” that people often ask when we’re coping with the aftermath of emotional catastrophe. She knows intimately that when your life falls apart, there’s a mad rush to be okay—to find a silver lining, to get to the happy ending. In this, her second memoir, Nora offers a tragicomic exploration of the tension between finding happiness and holding space for the unhappy experiences that have shaped us.No Happy Endings is a book for people living life after life has fallen apart. It’s a book for people who know that they’re moving forward, not moving on. It’s a book for people who know life isn’t always happy, but it isn’t the end: there will be unimaginable joy and incomprehensible tragedy. As Nora reminds us, there will be no happy endings—but there will be new beginnings.
You Don't Have to Like Me: Essays on Growing Up, Speaking Out, and Finding Feminism
Alida Nugent's self-deprecating 'everygirl' approach continues to win the internet-savvy writer and blogger new fans. Now, she takes on one of today's hottest cultural topics: feminism. Nugent is a proud feminist - and she's not afraid to say it. From the 'scarlet F' thrust upon you if you declare yourself a feminist at a party to how to handle judgmental Boots staff when you pop in for the morning-after pill, You Don't Have to Like Me skewers a range of cultural issues, and confirms Nugent as a star on the rise.
There Are No Grown-Ups: A Midlife Coming-of-Age Story
When Pamela Druckerman turns 40, waiters start calling her "Madame," and she detects a disturbing new message in mens' gazes: I would sleep with her, but only if doing so required no effort whatsoever.Yet forty isn't even technically middle-aged anymore. And after a lifetime of being clueless, Druckerman can finally grasp the subtext of conversations, maintain (somewhat) healthy relationships and spot narcissists before they ruin her life.What are the modern forties, and what do we know once we reach them? What makes someone a "grown-up" anyway? And why didn't anyone warn us that we'd get cellulite on our arms? Part frank memoir, part hilarious investigation of daily life, There Are No Grown-Ups diagnoses the in-between decade when... • Everyone you meet looks a little bit familiar. • You're matter-of-fact about chin hair.• You can no longer wear anything ironically. • There's at least one sport your doctor forbids you to play. • You become impatient while scrolling down to your year of birth. • Your parents have stopped trying to change you. • You don't want to be with the cool people anymore; you want to be with your people. • You realize that everyone is winging it, some just do it more confidently. • You know that it's ok if you don't like jazz.Internationally best-selling author and New York Times contributor Pamela Druckerman leads us on a quest for wisdom, self-knowledge and the right pair of pants. A witty dispatch from the front lines of the forties, There Are No Grown-ups is a (midlife) coming-of-age story, and a book for anyone trying to find their place in the world.
The Introvert Activity Book: Draw It, Make It, Write It (Because You'd Never Say It Out Loud)
(Wire Coil/Wire Combination)
From the author of Introvert Doodles comes an illustrated, interactive book for introverts of all ages to express themselves, find their voices, and discover their own creative talents!Conventional wisdom suggests that people who don’t speak up have nothing to say, but introverts simply prefer to express themselves differently. Introverts are known for their creativity, their need for thoughtful reflection, and their preference for solitary activities, such as drawing and writing. The Introvert Activity Book offers doodle ideas, lists, paper-craft projects, writing prompts, and so much more - the reader becomes the author!Beautiful and messy, funny and insightful, inspiring and relaxing, The Introvert Activity Book is perfect for introverts at any age. Join the introverted animated comic character, Marzi, on a journey to discovering your creative voice within!
Feminist Fight Club: An Office Survival Manual for a Sexist Workplace
Part manual, part manifesto, Feminist Fight Club is a hilarious yet incisive guide to navigating subtle sexism at work, providing real-life career advice and humorous reinforcement for a new generation of professional women.It was a fight club - but without the fighting and without the men. Every month, the women would huddle in a friend’s apartment to share sexist job frustrations and trade tips for how best to tackle them. Once upon a time, you might have called them a consciousness-raising group. But the problems of today’s working world are more subtle, less pronounced, harder to identify - and harder to prove - than those of their foremothers. These women weren’t just there to vent. They needed battle tactics. And so the fight club was born.Hard-hitting and entertaining, Feminist Fight Club blends personal stories with research, statistics, and no-bullsh*t expert advice. Bennett offers a new vocabulary for the sexist workplace archetypes women encounter everyday - such as the Manterrupter who talks over female colleagues in meetings or the Himitator who appropriates their ideas - and provides practical hacks for navigating other gender landmines in today’s working world. With original illustrations, Feminist Mad Libs, a Negotiation Cheat Sheet, and fascinating historical research, Feminist Fight Club tackles both the external (sexist) and internal (self-sabotaging) behaviors that plague women in the workplace - as well as the system that perpetuates them.
President Me: The America That's in My Head
Imagine a world where New York Times bestselling author, comedian, actor, television, and podcast host Adam Carolla is the President of the United States. Can’t do it? You don’t have to! Adam has done it for you!Podcast king Adam Carolla first shared his unique, but always funny world view in his New York Times bestseller In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks - but he’s not done.In President Me, Carolla shares his vision for a different, better America free from big issues like big government down to small problems like hotel alarm clock placement. Running on an anti-narcissism platform, President Carolla calls for a return to the values of an earlier time when stew and casserole were on every dinner table and there were no “service dogs” on airplanes. President Me hits right at the heart of what makes our country really annoying, and offers a plan to make all of our lives, but mostly Adam’s, much better.
Awards for Good Boys: Tales of Dating, Double Standards, and Doom
A wickedly funny illustrated look at living and dating in a patriarchal culture that celebrates men for displaying the bare minimum of human decencySurely you’re familiar with good boys. They’re the ones who put “feminist” in their Tinder bio but talk over you the entire date. They ghost you, but they feel momentarily guilty. They once read a book by a woman author. (It was required, but they thought it was “okay.”) And of course, they bravely condemn sexual harassment (except when the perpetrator is their buddy Chad).This book explores why so-called and self-proclaimed good boys are actually not so great, breaking down our obsession with celebrating male mediocrity and rewarding those who clear the very low bar of not being outwardly awful. Through clever illustrations and written vignettes, Awards for Good Boys makes literal the tendency to applaud men for doing the absolute least and offers hilarious and cathartic cultural commentary through which we may begin to unravel our own assumptions about gender roles and how we treat each other, both on and offline.
Trust No Aunty
Based on her popular Instagram @Hatecopy and her experience in a South Asian immigrant family, artist Maria Qamar has created a humorous, illustrated “survival guide” to deal with overbearing “Aunties,” whether they’re family members, annoying neighbors, or just some random ladies throwing black magic your way.We’ve all experienced interference from our Aunties - they are at family parties and friendly get-togethers, finding ways to make your life difficult, trying to get you to marry their sons, and telling you to lose weight while simultaneously feeding you a second dinner - and it has stunted our social growth and embarrassed us in front of our friends and cool cousins for years.This tongue-in-cheek guide is full of advice designed to help you manage Aunty meddling and encourages you to pursue your passions - from someone who has been through it all. Qamar confesses to throwing sweatshirts over crop-tops to get out of the house without being questioned, hiding her boyfriend in a closet, and enduring overbearing parents endless pressuring her to become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.Holding onto your cultural identity is tough. Always interfering Aunties make it even harder. But ultimately, Aunties keep our lives interesting. As an Aunty-survivor and a woman who has lived the cross-cultural experience, Qamar defied the advice of her aunties almost every step of the way, and she is here to remind you: Trust No Aunty.
Mess: The Manual of Accidents and Mistakes
Your whole life you've been taught to avoid making a mess: Try to keep everything under control, color inside the lines, make it perfect, and at all costs, avoid contact with things that stain. This book asks you to do the opposite of what you have been taught. Think of it as your own personal rumpus room. A place to let loose, to trash, to spew, to do the things you are not allowed to do in the "real world." It's time to make a mess. The only three rules you'll find in this book: 1. Do not try to make something beautiful. 2. Do not think too much. (There is no "wrong.") 3. Continue under all circumstances.
The Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action
Darwin Awards honor those who improve our gene pool by eliminating themselves from it in really stupid ways. These tales of natural selection were one of the first chain letters on the Internet. Original Darwins were mostly urban legends, like the man who strapped a JATO Rocket on his Chevy, leaving only skid marks and a burnt crater behind. I codified the five rules of death, self-selection, truth, maturity, and excellence in 1994, and wrote hundreds of true Darwinian stories. The lawyer who crashed through a skyscraper window while demonstrating its safety. The short-lived drinking game Stomp the Mine. The terrorist who forgot the time and blew up with his bomb. The Darwin Awards are about humor, safety, and evolution. Everyone who laughs at these stories understands that these fools’ deadly traits will not be passed along to any more kids.
The World's Largest Man
Key, Harrison Scott
The riotous, tender story of a bookish Mississippi boy and his flawed, Bunyanesque father, told with the comic verve of David Sedaris and the deft satire of Mark Twain or Roy Blount, Jr.Harrison Scott Key was born in Memphis, but he grew up in Mississippi, among pious, Bible-reading women and men who either shot things or got women pregnant. At the center of his world was his larger-than-life father - a hunter, a fighter, a football coach, " man better suited to living in a remote frontier wilderness of the nineteenth century than contemporary America, with all its progressive ideas, and paved roads, and lack of armed duels. He was a great man, and he taught me many things: How to fight, how to work, how to cheat, how to pray to Jesus about it, how to kill things with guns and knives and, if necessary, with hammers."Harrison, with his love of books and excessive interest in hugging, couldn’t have been less like Pop, and when it became clear that he was not able to kill anything very well or otherwise make his father happy, he resolved to become everything his father was not: an actor, a Presbyterian, and a doctor of philosophy. But when it was time to settle down and start a family of his own, Harrison started to view his father in a new light, and realized - better and for worse - much of his old man he’d absorbed.Sly, heartfelt, and tirelessly hilarious, The World’s Largest Man is an unforgettable memoir - story of a boy’s struggle to reconcile himself with an impossibly outsized role model, a grown man’s reckoning with the father it took him a lifetime to understand.
Colonial Spirits: A Toast to Our Drunken History
ProclamationSpirits can be many things: a transcendental search, the embodiment of inspiration, a ghost in the closet, a bottle of booze.We see the spirit of America as all of the above.Before democracy, there were spirits, and from spirits we created taverns and it was in those taverns that we laid out the blueprint for a new kind of country, with a new kind of ideology, not ruled by kings and queens but by men and women.In other words, we got drunk and invented America.Within these pages, you'll find tales from barrooms and battlefields, an almanac of alcohol, our founding fathers' favorite tipples and colonial-inspired cocktail recipes for revolutionary drinking.
At once a self-styled social scientist, a spy in the baffling adult world, and a budding, hormone-driven emotional explorer, Oliver Tate is stealthily nosing his way forward through the murky and uniquely perilous waters of adolescence. His objectives? Uncovering the secrets behind his parents’ teetering marriage, unraveling the mystery that is his alluring and equally quirky classmate Jordana Bevan, and understanding where he fits in among the mystifying beings in his orbit. Struggling to buoy his parents’ wedded bliss, deep-six his own virginity, and sound the depths of heartache, happiness, and the business of being human, what’s a lad to do? Poised precariously on the cusp of innocence and experience, Oliver Tate aims to damn the torpedoes and take the plunge.
Doug the Pug: The King of Pop Culture
Doug the Pug is the king of pop culture. More than six million adoring fans on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat can’t get enough of him. Doug spreads love everywhere he goes, and now with his literary debut, he’s coming to living rooms around the world.It’s hard to find a more well-connected pup than Doug. He’s homies with the hottest stars out there: Justin Bieber, Steven Tyler, Ed Sheeran, John Legend, and Chrissy Teigen, to name just a few. Did you catch him in Fall Out Boy’s latest music video? Doug can ball with the best of them. He’s a rising star and everyone’s favorite squishy face. Doug has made appearances at music festivals including Lollapalooza and the Billboard Hot 100 Music Fest, but he doesn’t let fame go to his head.Doug is a humble pug, but the people have asked for more, so he’s obliged with this awesome collection of photos. Doug is a fashion icon, a culinary gourmand, a music enthusiast, and an all-around happenin’ guy. This book is just a sneak peek at some of his greatest adventures so far. From his furry heart to yours, enjoy!
Scared Sh*tless: 1,003 Facts That Will Scare the Sh*t Out of You
Back by popular demand, the mind-blowing follow-up to the bestselling 1,001 Facts That Will Scare the S#*t Out of You. An all-new collection of entertaining and horrifying truths about us, our world, and why we're totally screwed. With more disturbing facts and fun new topics, including weird celebrities, boobs, the internet, clowns, serial killers, sexual fetishes, bacon, Elvis, things that will eat you, and more. From stupid dead people to halitosis caused by constipation to a singer whose music can get you killed in some Jamaican neighborhoods, it's all here - everything you need to know about the scary s#*t that surrounds all of us.
Woman First: First Woman
The long-awaited memoir of her tumultuous year in office, A Woman First: First Woman is an intimate first-person account of the public and private lives of Selina Meyer, America’s first woman president. Known and beloved throughout the world as a vocal and fearless advocate for adult literacy, fighting AIDS, our military families, and as a stalwart champion of the oppressed, especially the long-suffering people of Tibet, President Meyer is considered one of the world’s most notable people. In her own words, she reveals the innermost workings of the world’s most powerful office, sharing previous secret details along with her own personal feelings about the historic events of her time.In A Woman First: First Woman, President Selina Meyer tells the story of her times the way that only she could, Readers will gain new insights not only into Meyer herself but also the mechanics of governing and the many colorful personalities in Meyer’s orbit, including world leaders and her devoted cadre of allies and aides, many of them already familiar to the American people.
This Is a Book
From the renowned comedian, creator and star of Comedy Central's Important Things with Demetri Martin comes the paperback debut of his bold, original, New York Times best-selling humor book. THIS IS A BOOK was an instant and long-lasting New York Times best seller, and is the renowned comedian's hilarious foray into prose comedy. In these pages, Martin expands on the sensibility he's developed on stage as an award-winning stand-up comedian and on television as a writer-performer on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and his own Comedy Central series, Important Things with Demetri Martin. Featuring narrative essays, short stories, and conceptual pieces (such as "Protagonists' Hospital," where doctors treat only the shoulder wounds of Hollywood action heroes) as well as Martin's signature drawings, absurdities, and one-liners, THIS IS A BOOK delivers sharp jokes, colorful characters, and interesting surprises. Martin takes readers to places as far-off as Ancient Greece ("Socrates's Publicist") and the distant future ("Robot Test," where everyone must take a test to prove that they are not robots). He recounts a lonely man's visit to a strip club in the form of a five-hundred-word palindrome ("Palindromes for Specific Occasions"). And he examines the human condition ("Human Cannonball Occupational Hazards") and the competing world-views of divergent groups ("Optimist, Pessimist, Contortionist"). Martin's material is varied, but his unique voice and brilliant mind will keep readers in stitches from beginning to end.
A Replacement Life
A singularly talented writer makes his literary debut with this provocative, soulful, and sometimes hilarious story of a failed journalist asked to do the unthinkable: Forge Holocaust-restitution claims for old Russian Jews in Brooklyn, New York. Yevgeny Gelman, grandfather of Slava Gelman, "didn't suffer in the exact way" he needs to have suffered to qualify for the restitution the German government has been paying out to Holocaust survivors. But suffer he has--as a Jew in the war; as a second-class citizen in the USSR; as an immigrant to America. So? Isn't his grandson a "writer"? High-minded Slava wants to put all this immigrant scraping behind him. Only the American Dream is not panning out for him--Century, the legendary magazine where he works as a researcher, wants nothing greater from him. Slava wants to be a correct, blameless American--but he wants to be a lionized writer even more. Slava's turn as the Forger of South Brooklyn teaches him that not every fact is the truth, and not every lie a falsehood. It takes more than law-abiding to become an American; it takes the same self-reinvention in which his people excel. Intoxicated and unmoored by his inventions, Slava risks exposure. Cornered, he commits an irrevocable act that finally grants him a sense of home in America, but not before collecting a price from his family. A Replacement Life is a dark, moving, and beautifully written novel about family, honor, and justice.
The Belly Sticker Book
Duo Press, LLC.
You can’t log on to Facebook or Instagram without seeing photos of babies wearing adorable belly stickers to celebrate significant milestones (like “One month old!” and “My first word!”) and sets are popping up in stores everywhere.Now comes the very first book of belly stickers – a great way to capture and share all of your baby’s firsts, from important holidays and milestones to month-by-month anniversaries and just-for-fun moments. Simply peel off the sticker that celebrates your baby’s milestone and stick it to your baby’s chest. Then snap an adorable photo and post online for everyone to ooh and aah over.Includes 48 belly stickers. Use the hashtags #bellystickers and #bellystickerbook for extra sharing!
Mommy Needs a Raise (Because Quitting's Not an Option)
Perry, Sarah Parshall
Women know that raising children will be different from climbing the corporate ladder. But nothing can truly prepare them for the mind-muddling world of motherhood. It doesn't take long for a new mom to question whether her tyrannical, diapered boss really understands her value to the organization. Because honestly? She's not always sure herself. With her signature wit, lawyer-turned-full-time-mommy Sarah Parshall Perry says what all new moms are thinking when they trade annual reports for homework help and yoga pants. Perry invites moms to laugh alongside her amidst the "Are you kidding me?!" moments that come with the job of raising humans. This book is story of every mother who gives up one thing to get something better--and ends up finding out what she's worth along the way.
You'll Grow Out of It
As both a tomboy and a late bloomer, comedian Jessi Klein grew up feeling more like an outsider than a participant in the rites of modern femininity. In YOU'LL GROW OUT OF IT, Klein offers - through an incisive collection of real-life stories - a relentlessly funny yet poignant take on a variety of topics she has experienced along her strange journey to womanhood and beyond. These include her "transformation from Pippi Longstocking-esque tomboy to are-you-a-lesbian-or-what tom man," attempting to find watchable porn, and identifying the difference between being called "ma'am" and "miss" ("Miss sounds like you weigh ninety-nine pounds").Raw, relatable, and consistently hilarious, YOU'LL GROW OUT OF IT is a one-of-a-kind book by a singular and irresistible comic voice.
Upon Further Review: The Greatest What-Ifs in Sports History
From Mike Pesca, host of the popular Slate podcast The Gist, comes the greatest sports minds imagining how the world would change if a play, trade, injury, or referee's call had just gone the other way.No announcer ever proclaimed: "Up Rises Frazier!" "Havlicek commits the foul, trying to steal the ball!" or "The Giants Lose the Pennant, The Giants Lose The Pennant!" Such moments are indelibly etched upon the mind of every sports fan. Or rather, they would be, had they happened. Sports are notoriously games of inches, and when we conjure the thought of certain athletes - like Bill Buckner or Scott Norwood - we can't help but apply a mental tape measure to the highlight reels of our minds. Players, coaches, and of course fans, obsess on the play when they ask, "What if?" Upon Further Review is the first book to answer that question.Upon Further Review is a book of counterfactual sporting scenarios. In its pages the reader will find expertly reported histories, where one small event is flipped on its head, and the resulting ripples are carefully documented, the likes of...What if the U.S. Boycotted Hitler's Olympics?What if Bobby Riggs beat Billie Jean King?What if Bucky Dent popped out at the foot of the Green Monster?What if Drew Bledsoe never got hurt? Upon Further Review takes classic arguments conducted over pints in a pub and places them in the hands of dozens of writers, athletes, and historians. From turning points that every sports fan rues or celebrates, to the forgotten would-be inflection points that defined sports, Upon Further Review answers age old questions, and settles the score, even if the score bounced off the crossbar.
Bad Cat: 244 Not-So-Pretty Kitties and Cats Gone Bad
Brooding, deranged, antisocial, these are kitties with attitude and borderline personality problems - ah, but what hilarious fun it is to read about them. All 244 photographed in terrifying full color in their most unflattering moments, with a quote plus vital stats: name, breed, age, and hobby. Get to know them. Then see if you can ever forget them.
Finnish Nightmares: An Irreverent Guide to Life's Awkward Moments
From awkward interactions on public transportation to avoiding small talk with salespeople, introverts from all over the world will find something to love in this comic sensation from Finland.Mild-mannered protagonist Matti is a typical Finn who appreciates peace, quiet, and personal space--but things do not always go according to his wishes. Finnish Nightmares is an illustrated collection of his and many people's worst fears when it comes to social interactions. Divided into sections on dealing with neighbors, going shopping, sharing public spaces, tense dining situations, and more, there is a comic for every squeamish scenario, from having to sing your own praises in a job interview, to being unable to leave your apartment because a neighbor is in the hallway. A fascinating look at Nordic culture, globe trotters and armchair travelers alike will enjoy this insider's glimpse into the local life and habits of Finland. With a charming and quirky universality, there is an awkward and laughable situation that everyone can relate to in Finnish Nightmares.
Goats of Anarchy: One Woman's Quest to Save the World One Goat At A Time
Get ready to party - the goats are back in town! Get to know all your farmyard friends from the wildly popular Instagram account, with Goats of Anarchy.Based on the popular Instagram account of the same name, Goats of Anarchy takes you on a tour of animal rescue guru and full-time goat mama Leanne Lauricella's goat rescue farm. This is a place where special-needs goats can heal, grow, and butt heads to their hearts’ content.Join Pocket, Ella, Chibs, Lyla, Prospect and Polly--the goat who took the Internet by storm with her adorable duck costume--as they rumble, snuggle, pig out, dress up, and even teach you a few goat yoga moves to loosen your haunches. You will love the beautiful, full color photographs throughout this bio filled book. Whether they’re learning to walk or just romping around the farm, these horned and hooved heartbreakers will have you grinning ear to ear as they chew the scenery—literally!
True or Poo?: The Definitive Field Guide to Filthy Animal Facts and Falsehoods (Does It Fart Series)
Do komodo dragons have toxic slobber? Is it true that a scorpion that sheds its tail dies of constipation? Speaking of poo, do rabbits really have a habit of, err, eating their own? And can you really get high from licking toads, or is that...fake newts?The answers to all these questions and more can be found in True or Poo?, a manual for disgusting and one-upping your friends and enemies for years to come.
Daddy, Stop Talking! And Other Things My Kids Want But Won't Be Getting
Last Will & Testament of Adam Carolla I, Adam Carolla, being of beaten-down mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and addendums previously made by me. (You guys never did listen, anyway.) Article I I appoint the rest of the world's unappreciated dads as Personal Representatives to administer this Will. I bequeath to them the right to crack a couple cold ones in the garage after working their asses off all week and ask that they be permitted to watch all the porn they like and not have to change diapers and get dragged to every preschool "graduation" and PTA meeting. Article II To my wife, I leave a safe-deposit box, the sole content of which is a note reading "Get a job. I'm dead," and my best wishes on trying to keep up with the unending demands of our houses, cars, dog, and kids. Article III I devise, bequeath, and give my kids this book, Daddy, Stop Talking. Since you guys were the death of me, I leave you these pages of wisdom. But no cash, cars, or property. You've got to earn those. On that note, I further demand that the following message be placed on the marker of my grave: "You're All on Your Own Now. Enjoy."
Little Victories: A Sportswriter's Notes on Winning at Life
In his hilarious debut, Wall Street Journal writer Jason Gay embarks on a comic journey through family and fatherhood, sickness and health, heartbreak and joy.Whether you're a recent grad, a Little League coach in the making, or a wise grandparent who has seen it all, Little Victories will remind you to celebrate the small moments, perfect and imperfect alike. Finally, this is one book that loves you for who you are - and especially for who you aren't.
Reader's Digest Dumb Dad Jokes: Something for Everyone from 6 to 106
Is your dad funny? Is he funny looking? Just kidding. In the Reader's Digest Dumb Dad Jokes we have compiled some of the funniest jokes, riddles, and one-liners that can be shared across generations, around the dinner table or the campfire. Truly, there's something for everyone from 6 to 106.
The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell
Bell, W. Kamau
You may know W. Kamau Bell from his new, Emmy-nominated hit show on CNN, United Shades of America. Or maybe you’ve read about him in the New York Times, which called him “the most promising new talent in political comedy in many years.” Or maybe from The New Yorker, fawning over his brand of humor writing: "Bell’s gimmick is intersectional progressivism: he treats racial, gay, and women’s issues as inseparable."After all this love and praise, it’s time for the next step: a book. The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell is a humorous, well-informed take on the world today, tackling a wide range of issues, such as race relations; fatherhood; the state of law enforcement today; comedians and superheroes; right-wing politics; left-wing politics; failure; his interracial marriage; white men; his up-bringing by very strong-willed, race-conscious, yet ideologically opposite parents; his early days struggling to find his comedic voice, then his later days struggling to find his comedic voice; why he never seemed to fit in with the Black comedy scene . . . or the white comedy scene; how he was a Black nerd way before that became a thing; how it took his wife and an East Bay lesbian to teach him that racism and sexism often walk hand in hand; and much, much more.
T-Rex Trying and Trying: The Unfortunate Trials of a Modern Prehistoric Family
From the author of the sleeper hit T-Rex Trying, a sweetly funny new collection of drawings of T-Rex and his family being stymied by the modern world- and their unfortunately short arms Thousands of fans fell for Hugh Murphy’s first book, T-Rex Trying, which featured T-Rex trying and failing to do everyday tasks, from putting on a cardigan to jumping rope. In T-Rex Trying and Trying, the loveable lizard king is back . . . this time with his family, She-Rex and Wee-Rex. Featuring never-before-seen content and the best from the site, Murphy’s 120 drawings feature: • T-Rex trying to take a selfie • She-Rex trying to catch a bouquet at a wedding • T-Rex trying to change a diaper • T-Rex trying to tell people he’s choking • Wee-Rex trying to crawl • T-Rex trying to measure his inseam • and many, many more! An adorable and hilarious book, this is the perfect gift for readers of all ages.
You are an idiot. Don't get defensive! It's not your fault. For decades your teachers, authority figures and textbooks have been lying to you. You do not have five senses. Your tongue doesn't have neatly segregated taste-bud zones. You don't know what the pyramids really looked like. You're even pooping wrong - Jesus, you're a wreck! But it's going to be okay. Because we're here to help. Packed with more sexy facts than the Encyclopedia Pornographica, the Cracked De-Textbook will teach you about the true stars of history, why you picture everything from Velociraptors to Ancient Rome incorrectly, and finally, at long last - how to pop a proper squat. This book was built from the ground up to systematically seek out, dismantle and destroy the many untruths that years of misguided education have left festering inside of you, and leave you a smarter person...whether you like it or not. The De-Textbook is a merciless, brutal learning machine. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are informed.
The Little Book of Big Feelings: An Illustrated Exploration of Life's Many Emotions
From the author of the popular Introvert Doodles and Kind of Coping, Maureen “Marzi” Wilson is tackling all kinds of big feelings with over 175 relatable, supportive, and light-hearted comics in her signature style.We’ve been conditioned to think that the most acceptable response to “How are you?” is, “I’m fine.” But our emotions are much more complicated than that! Sometimes we feel a little annoyed, or elated, or afraid. And you know, that’s okay!In The Little Book of Big Feelings, Maureen “Marzi” Wilson takes us on a journey of self-acceptance and validation. After all, our emotions are only reactions to experiences that we can learn from; there’s no such thing as a “bad” emotion. It’s okay to be scared, it’s alright to feel hopeful, and it’s perfectly fine to feel both at the same time. There is a wide range of human emotions, and it’s time we start embracing each one!
How Not to Get Shot: And Other Advice From White People
Hughley, D. L.
200 years ago, white people told black folks, “‘I suggest you pick the cotton if you don’t like getting whipped.” Today, it’s “comply with police orders if you don’t want to get shot.” Now comedian/activist D. L. Hughley–one the Original Kings of Comedy–confronts and remixes white people’s “advice” in this “hilarious examination of the current state of race relations in the United States” (Publishers Weekly).In America, a black man is three times more likely to be killed in encounters with police than a white guy. If only he had complied with the cop, he might be alive today, pundits say in the aftermath of the latest shooting of an unarmed black man. Or, Maybe he shouldn’t have worn that hoodie . . . or, moved more slowly . . . not been out so late . . . Wait, why are black people allowed to drive, anyway?This isn’t a new phenomenon. White people have been giving “advice” to black folks for as long as anyone can remember, telling them how to pick cotton, where to sit on a bus, what neighborhood to live in, when they can vote, and how to wear our pants. Despite centuries of whites’ advice, it seems black people still aren’t listening, and the results are tragic.Now, at last, activist, comedian, and New York Times bestselling author D. L. Hughley offers How Not to Get Shot, an illustrated how-to guide for black people, full of insight from white people, translated by one of the funniest black dudes on the planet. In these pages you will learn how to act, dress, speak, walk, and drive in the safest manner possible. You also will finally understand the white mind. It is a book that can save lives. Or at least laugh through the pain.Black people: Are you ready to not get shot! White people: Do you want to learn how to help the cause? Let’s go!
Perfect for the Scrooge in your life—a profane, hilarious takedown of all things cute and cuddly, by the author of the blog sensation of (almost) the same name.
Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life
#1 New York Times bestselling author Laurie Notaro isn’t exactly a domestic goddess - unless that means she fully embraces her genetic hoarding predisposition, sneaks peeks at her husband’s daily journal, or has made a list of the people she wants on her Apocalypse Survival team (her husband’s not on it). Notaro chronicles her chronic misfortune in the domestic arts, including cooking, cleaning, and putting on Spanx while sweaty (which should technically qualify as an Olympic sport). Housebroken is a rollicking new collection of essays showcasing her irreverent wit and inability to feel shame. From defying nature in the quest to make her own Twinkies, to begging her new neighbors not to become urban livestock keepers, to teaching her eight-year-old nephew about hoboes, Notaro recounts her best efforts - and hilarious failures - in keeping a household inches away from being condemned. After all, home wasn’t built in a day.
Tiny Hats on Cats: Because Every Cat Deserves to Feel Fancy
A fun and creative book for cat lovers, crafters, and pop-culture devotees alike. Following the success of recent bestsellers like Grumpy Cat and How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You, TINY HATS ON CATS combines adorable photos of cats with author Adam Ellis's hilarious anecdotes, but also has a fun DIY element: Readers will learn how to craft colorful and creative feline headgear from the book's step-by-step instructions. With a portable trim size and a beautifully designed interior, TINY HATS ON CATS is the perfect gift for every animal lover or for any reader who wants their cat to feel just a little more fancy.
I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood
Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Let Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey a little easier - and a lot funnier - with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood - and even vampires!
My Squirrel Days
Meet Ellie, the best-intentioned redhead next door. You’ll laugh right alongside her as she shares tales of her childhood in St. Louis, whether directing and also starring in her family holiday pageant, washing her dad’s car with a Brillo pad, failing to become friends with a plump squirrel in her backyard, eating her feelings while watching PG-13 movies, or becoming a “sports monster” who ends up warming the bench of her Division 1 field hockey team in college.You’ll learn how she found her comedic calling in the world of improv, became a wife, mother and New Yorker, and landed the role of a bridesmaid (while simultaneously being a bridesmaid) in Bridesmaids. You’ll get to know and love the comic, upbeat, perpetually polite actress playing Erin Hannon on The Office, and the exuberant, pink-pants-wearing star of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.If you’ve ever been curious about what happens behind the scenes of your favorite shows, what it really takes to be a soul cycle “warrior,” how to recover if you accidentally fall on Doris Kearns Goodwin or tell Tina Fey on meeting her for the first time that she has “great hair—really strong and thick,” this is your chance to find out. But it’s also a laugh-out-loud primer on how to keep a positive outlook in a world gone mad and how not to give up on your dreams. Ellie “dives fully into each role—as actor, comedian, writer, and also wife and new mom—with an electric dedication, by which one learns to reframe the picture, and if not exactly become a glass-half-full sort of person, at least become able to appreciate them” (Vogue.com).
The Science of Game of Thrones: Shifting Fact From Fantasy in the Seven Kingdoms
A myth-busting, jaw-dropping, fun-filled tour through the science of your favorite fantastical world. Award-winning comedian and popular-science writer Helen Keen uncovers the astounding science behind the mystical, blood-soaked world of Game of Thrones, answering questions like: Is it possible to crush a person's head with your bare hands? What really happens when royal families interbreed? Does Cersei have Borderline Personality Disorder? What curious medical disorder does Hodor suffer from? And more. Join Keen as she investigates wildfire, ice walls, face transplants, and every wild feature of Westeros and beyond, revealing a magical world that may be closer to our own than we think. The Science of Game of Thrones is the ultimate guide to the epic series as well as the perfect gift for science-lovers and fans. So pour yourself a bowl of brown, climb on your beast of burden, and prepare yourself to see the Seven Kingdoms as you have never seen them before.
The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage
From the irreverent star of Fox News's Red Eye, hilarious observations on the manufactured outrage of an oversensitive culture.
Single White Monk: Tales of Death, Failure, and Bad Sex (Although Not Necessarily in That Order)
Haubner, Shozan Jack
Think the life of a Zen monk is all serenity, peace, and austerity? Think again. Here, Shozan Jack Haubner gives an often-hilarious, always-candid account of what it’s really like behind those monastery walls. Haubner’s adventures include memories of his dysfunctional Midwestern family that drove him ultimately to declare, “I think I should be a monk!” to a madcap account of the night he got stoned and snuck out of the monastery, alongside more sobering accounts such as his life-threatening brush with illness, the profound impact of a dear friend’s death, and reflections on the controversy that rocked his Zen community. That he finds timeless wisdom in both the tragic and the absurd is a tribute to Haubner's gifts as a writer and humorist, and to his clear insights into the nature of self and what the practice of Zen is all about.
Weird But Normal
Birth control. Body hair removal cream. Boobs. It’s all weird, but also pretty normal.Navigating racial identity, gender roles, workplace dynamics, and beauty standards, Mia Mercado's hilarious essay collection explores the contradictions of being a millennial woman, which usually means being kind of a weirdo. Whether it’s spending $30 on a candle that smells like an ocean that doesn’t exist, offering advice on how to ask about someone’s race (spoiler: just don’t, please?), quitting a job that makes you need shots of whiskey on your lunch break, or finding a more religious experience in the skincare aisle at Target than your hometown Catholic church, Mia brilliantly unpacks what it means to be a professional, absurdly beautiful, horny, cute, gross human. Essays include:• Depression Isn’t a Competition but Why Aren’t I Winning?• My Dog Explains My Weekly Schedule• Mustache Lady• White Friend Confessional• Treating Objects Like WomenWith sharp humor and wit, Mia shares the awkward, uncomfortable, surprisingly ordinary parts of life, and shows us why it’s strange to feel fine and fine to feel strange.
It Ended Badly
Spanning eras and cultures from ancient Rome to medieval England to 1950s Hollywood, Jennifer Wright's It Ended Badly guides you through the worst of the worst in historically bad breakups. In the throes of heartbreak, Emperor Nero had just about everyone he ever loved - from his old tutor to most of his friends - put to death. Oscar Wilde's lover, whom he went to jail for, abandoned him when faced with being cut off financially from his wealthy family and wrote several self-serving books denying the entire affair. And poor volatile Caroline Lamb sent Lord Byron one hell of a torch letter and enclosed a bloody lock of her own pubic hair. Your obsessive social media stalking of your ex isn't looking so bad now, is it?With a wry wit and considerable empathy, Wright digs deep into the archives to bring these thirteen terrible breakups to life. She educates, entertains, and really puts your own bad breakup conduct into perspective. It Ended Badly is for anyone who's ever loved and lost and maybe sent one too many ill-considered late-night emails to their ex, reminding us that no matter how badly we've behaved, no one is as bad as Henry VIII.
The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius
From the notorious Internet troublemaker who brought the world the explosively popular Next Time I'll Spend the Money on Drugs Instead, in which he attempted to pay his chiropractor with a picture he drew of a spider; "Please Design a Logo for Me. With Pie Charts. For Free," which has been described as one of the most passed-on viral e-mails of all time; and, most recently, the staggeringly popular "Missing Missy", which has appeared everywhere from The Guardian to Jezebel to Andrew Sullivan's The Daily Dish, comes this profoundly funny collection of irreverent Internet mischief and comedy. Featuring all of Thorne's viral success, including "Missing Missy", The Internet Is a Playground culls together every article and e- mail from Thorne's wildly popular website 27bslash6.com, as well as enough new material, available only in these pages, to keep you laughing - and, indeed, crying - until Thorne's next stroke-of-genius prank. Or hilarious hoax. Or well-publicized almost-stint in jail (really).
"Don't Forget to Sing in the Lifeboats": Uncommon Wisdom for Uncommon Times
Uncommon times call for uncommon wisdom. It’s inspiring to hear from people who’ve graduated from the school of hard knocks, yet kept a sense of humor. People like Twain, Voltaire, Oscar Wilde. People who've said the thing so well that we all wish we'd said it. People who've been there, done that, and refuse to sugarcoat what they've learned. People who know, as Sherry Hochman puts it, that "Every day is a gift - even if it sucks."
Let's Be Weird Together: A Book About Love
This is a book about weird couples and the tiny two-person universes they create.It’s about accidentally wearing the exact same outfit. It’s about made-up songs. It’s about your rules for the thermostat. It’s about breakfast rituals, and funny nicknames, and long hugs, and that voice you pretend the cat has.If you’re half of a weird couple, or if you have a favorite weird couple, or if you just love love, this book is for you.Includes 1 sheet of temporary tattoos!
I Ain't Doin' It: Unfiltered Thoughts From a Sarcastic Southern Sweetheart
Social media comedienne Heather Land uses her trademark spunky, laugh-out-loud humor to remind us that real life can be real funny.
Aristotle and an Aardvark Go to Washington
America's favorite philosopher-comedians are at it again, and just in time to save us from the doublespeak and flimflam of politics in America with invaluable insight on common tactics.
Eat. Play. Love.: Life Lessons from My Dog
Whoever coined the phrase "a dog's life" should've tried the lifestyle first! What's not t love when every meal is a feast, every errand is an adventure, and every day, you wake up to see your very favorite person? Let artist Emma Block's adorable pooches win you over with 100 heartwarming life lessons. Stop running in circles (unless that's your thing).
Fifty and Other F-Words: Reflections from the Rearview Mirror
If you’re a woman over 50, you probably feel invisible, or shackled by rules that say what you can and can’t do now that you’ve gotten older. But Margot Potter is here to say - in the most hilarious way - that, no matter what your age, you can still be a kick-ass warrior woman! With a cool "nasty woman" attitude, and loads of humor, Margot tells it like it is, smashing stereotypes in her witty essays, poems, listicles, and observations about aging in our youth-obsessed society. With neither bitterness nor sugar-coated reality, Fifty and Other F-Words will hit home with powerful, persistent women who grew up in the post-punk era; subscribed to magazines like Jane, Bust, and Bitch; put on their pink hats to march on DC; and never, ever conform.
Cinderella and the Glass Ceiling: And Other Feminist Fairy Tales
This wickedly wise (and wisecracking) parody of classic fairy tales redefines happily ever after for the modern feminist era.You know what? It's super creepy to kiss a woman who is unconscious. And you know what else? The way out of poverty isn't by marrying a rich dude -- or by wearing fragile footwear, for that matter. And while we're at it, why is the only woman who lives with seven men expected to do the cooking, cleaning, and laundry?Fairytales need a reboot, and comedy queens Laura Lane and Ellen Haun are the women to do it. In Cinderella and the Glass Ceiling, they offer a rollicking parody of classic (read: patriarchal) tales that turns sweet, submissive princesses into women who are perfectly capable of being the heroes of their own stories. Mulan climbs the ranks in the army but wages a different war when she finds out she's getting paid less than her fellow male captains, Wendy learns never to trust a man-boy stalking her window, Sleeping Beauty's prince gets a lesson in consent, and more.Busting with laugh-out-loud, razor-sharp twists to these outdated tales, Cinderella and the Glass Ceiling is fun, magical, necessary, and totally woke.
It's All Relative: Adventures Up and Down the World's Family Tree
Jacobs, A. J.
An epic, hilarious, and heartfelt adventure into the idea of family - where it begins and how far it goes - and what it has to tell us about our biology and our genetics, our tribes and our traditions, and our history and our future.
Best. State. Ever. A Florida Man Defends His Homeland
A brilliantly funny exploration of the Sunshine State from the man who knows it best: Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times-bestselling author Dave Barry. We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, "What the hell is wrong with Florida?" Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Sure, there was the 2000 election. And people seem to take their pants off for no good reason. And it has flying insects the size of LeBron James. But it is a great state, and Dave is going to tell you why. Join him as he celebrates Florida from Key West at the bottom to whatever it is that's at the top, from the Sunshine State's earliest history to the fun-fair of weirdness that it is today. It's the most hilarious book yet from "the funniest damn writer in the whole country" (Carl Hiaasen, and he should know). By the end, you'll have to admit that whatever else you might think about Florida--you can never say it's boring.
Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions
Forgive him, Father, for Stephen Colbert has sinned. He knew it was wrong at the time. But he went ahead and did it anyway. Now he’s begging for forgiveness. Based on his popular segment from The Late Show, Stephen Colbert and his team of writers now reveal his most shameful secrets to millions (although, actually, he’d like you not to tell anyone). Midnight Confessions is an illustrated collection of Stephen Colbert at his most brilliant and irreverent.
The Double-Jack Murders
McManus, Patrick F.
Patrick F. McManus’s beloved Sheriff Bo Tully has his hands full of elusive killers, eccentric backwoods characters, and irresistible women in this latest romp through the wilds of Blight County, Idaho. Sheriff Bo Tully is the kind of western lawman who’s as good with the ladies as he is with his guns, and he never lets a death threat get in the way of a good barbecue. In this latest tale, Tully pursues a seventy-five-year-old missing persons case in which a pair of gold miners (a two-man drilling team known as a double-jack) mysteriously disappeared just as they hit the mother lode in a remote part of Blight County. Meanwhile, a second, more threatening case looms large. After serving only two months of a life sentence, a mentally unstable murderer named Kincaid—a nasty piece of work if there ever was one—manages to escape prison, setting his sights on killing the man who put him behind bars: one Sheriff Bo Tully.
Uganda Be Kidding Me (Large Print)
Wherever Chelsea Handler travels, one thing is certain: she always ends up in the land of the ridiculous. Now, in this uproarious collection, she sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever. On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure. The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary, like finding herself stuck next to a passenger with bad breath, she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side-except for the time she loses him in Telluride. Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette, none of which should be believed, UGANDA BE KIDDING ME has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.
How to Win Games and Beat People
Demolish your family and friends at over 30 classic games with advice from an international array of experts!
How to Land on Your Feet: Life Lessons from My Cat
Why spend one life worrying . . . when you could spend nine lives napping?Take it from artist Jamie Shelman's wry and furry felines: Cats work reasonable hours (zero), love wisely (from a distance), and live boldly (until someone starts vacuuming). Don't go without these 100 sage lessons:• Be especially attentive to the one person who doesn’t like you.• Get away with murder by looking cute.• Ignore anyone who doesn't worship you.• Be pleased with your achievements, however small.• The best solution to a problem is a nap.Live better - live like your cat!
We all need a dose of Dolly in our lives. Whether it’s her warmth and generosity, her humble roots and down-home values, her gifts to film and music, or her unforgettable style and humor, Dolly Parton has plenty of life secrets to share. Enjoy this collection of her wisest quotes, funniest cracks, and encouraging words for living life right.• Nearly 150 Dolly quotes on living with big dreams and an open heart• Empowerment, strength, and confidence whenever you need it• Get inspired to be boldly you, just like Dolly!
What the Fuzz?!: The Adventures of Fuzzberta and Friends, the World's Cutest Guinea Pigs
Fuzzberta & Friends have been taking the internet by storm with their quirky costumes and pop culture parodies. Join this guinea pig gang on a grand adventure through time and space, as they dress up in absurdly cute outfits and attempt to do (mostly) human things.This book is stuffed with so much epic cuteness it just might explode. Contents include, but are not limited to: fuzz, blorps, rocket ships, pirate ships, guitar solos, happy spaghetti, and one very terrified carrot.So sit back, grab a donut, and prepare to be amazed by the secret lives of guinea pigs.
Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy
Move over, Bridget Jones's diary: She's back, and this time she's texting and tweeting. . . Fourteen years after landing Mark Darcy, Bridget's life has taken her places she never expected. But despite the new challenges of single parenting, online dating, wildly morphing dress sizes, and bafflingly complex remote controls, she is the same irrepressible and endearing soul we all remember--though her talent for embarrassing herself in hilarious ways has become dangerously amplified now that she has 752 Twitter followers. As Bridget navigates head lice epidemics, school-picnic humiliations, and cross-generational sex, she learns that life isn't over when you start needing reading glasses--and why one should never, ever text while drunk. Studded with witty observations about the perils and absurdities of our times, Mad About the Boy is both outrageously comic and genuinely moving. As we watch her dealing with heartbreaking loss and rediscovering love and joy, Bridget invites us to fall for her all over again.
Everything's Trash, But It's Okay
Written in her trademark unfiltered and witty style, Robinson's latest collection is a call to arms. Outfitted with on-point pop culture references, these essays tackle a wide range of topics: giving feminism a tough-love talk on intersectionality, telling society's beauty standards to kick rocks, and calling foul on our culture's obsession with work. Robinson also gets personal, exploring money problems she's hidden from her parents, how dating is mainly a warmed-over bowl of hot mess, and, definitely most important, meeting Bono not once, but twice. She's struggled with being a woman with a political mind and a woman with an ever-changing jeans size. She knows about trash because she sees it every day--and because she's seen roughly one hundred thousand hours of reality TV and zero hours of Schindler's List.With the intimate voice of a new best friend, Everything's Trash, But It's Okay is a candid perspective for a generation that has had the rug pulled out from under it too many times to count.
How Did I Get to Be Forty: And Other Atrocities
Judith Viorst, the wise and witty lady of It’s Hard to Be Hip Over 30 and Other Tragedies of Married Life, is here to guide you through these forty-ish years with poems that reflect the highs, the lows, and the everything-in-betweens of midlife.
The Darwin Awards Next Evolution: Chlorinating the Gene Pool
What crazy cocktail of DNA leads Homo sapiens to do pull-ups off the edge of a seventh-floor balcony or wrap their lips around a paintball gun and pull the trigger? How about offering a beer to a bear or self-testing a Taser? Why not go joyriding in a shopping cart strapped to an SUV or jump a drawbridge on a bicycle? Fully illustrated with over a hundred new jaw-dropping and side-splitting feats of stupidity - and including science essays by guest writers and answers to FAQs about evolution in action - The Darwin Awards Next Evolution continues the tradition of honoring the victims of appallingly poor survival instinct who selflessly improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.
Whether you've been in sales for a while, are new to the game, or just need a lift, this humorous yet practical guide shows you how to:• Overcome objections without tears• Get out of a sales slump . . . legally• Cold call without sedatives• Beg for referrals• Spot common types of customers, coworkers, and managers• Decipher compensation plans• Deal with the day-to-day activities• Maintain a social life (mission impossible)• And much, much moreThe Sales Survival Handbook contains all the do's, don'ts, quizzes, lists, and real-world advice you need to survive the agony and enjoy the ecstasy of your sales career.
Wanna Bet?: A Degenerate Gambler's Guide to Living on the Edge
When Artie Lange's first book, the #1 New York Times bestseller, Too Fat To Fish, hit the top of the charts, audiences learned what Howard Stern listeners already knew: that Artie is one of the funniest people alive. He is also an artist haunted by his fair share of demons, which overtook him in the years that followed. After a suicide attempt, a two-year struggle with depression, and years of chronic opiate addiction, Artie entered recovery and built himself back up, chronicling his struggle in brave detail in his next book and second New York Times bestseller, Crash and Burn.In his hilarious third book, the two-time bestselling author, comedian, actor, and radio icon explains the philosophy that has kept his existence boredom-free since the age of 13?the love of risk. An avid sports better and frequent card player, Lange believes that the true gambler gets high not from winning, but from the chaotic unknown of betting itself. He recounts some of his favorite moments, many of which haven't involved money at all. In this candid and entertaining memoir, he looks back at the times he's wagered the intangible and priceless things in life: his health, his career, and his relationships. The stories found in Wanna Bet? paint a portrait of a man who would just as quickly bet tens of thousands of dollars on a coin toss as he would a well thought out NBA or NFL wager. Along for the ride are colorful characters from Artie's life who live by the same creed, from a cast of childhood friends to peers like comedian and known gambler Norm McDonald. The book is a tour of a subculture where bookies and mobsters, athletes and celebrities ride the gambling roller coaster for the love of the rush. Through it all, somehow Artie has come out ahead, though he does take a few moments to imagine his life if things hadn't quite gone his way. Unrepentant and unrestrained, the book is Lange at his finest.
So Here's the Thing . . .: Notes on Growing Up, Getting Older, and Trusting Your Gut
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How To Do Everything: From the Man Who Should Know
It may not be great literature -- but at least it's handy. From the mastermind of the hugely successful The Red Green Show comes a book that is going to change your life, or at least make you laugh -- a lot -- whenever you pick it up. And people are going to be picking it up for many years to come, because -- like the long-rerunning TV shows -- there's not a topical gag in the book anywhere, so it's going to be funny for the forseeable future. And as its title suggests, this is also a terribly useful book. Among its very many gems of advice, it shows how to cook with acetylene, take revenge on a lawn mower, measure your hat size with a two-by-four, reduce your carbon footprint (it involves moving into a fruit tree located next to a liquor store) and make your own alternative fuel (which involves an empty propane tank and a full septic one).
From the wickedly funny and feminist creator and host of the Throwing Shade podcast, a collection of hilarious personal essays and political commentary perfect for fans of Lindy West and Roxane Gay.
Life Works Itself Out: (And Then You Nap)
Humans could learn a thing or two from cats - and Life Works Itself Out is here to relay all of kittendom's accumulated wisdom to mankind, one lovable photo and wise aphorism at a time.
Yes, I'm Hot in This: The Hilarious Truth about Life in a Hijab
Popular Instagram cartoonist and American-Muslim Huda Fahmy presents a hilarious, relatable, and painfully honest new collection of comics that break down barriers and show how universal our everyday problems, worries, and joys actually are.At some point in our lives, we've all felt a little out of place. Huda Fahmy has found it's a little more difficult to fade into the crowd when wearing a hijab.In Yes, I'm Hot in This, Huda navigates the sometimes-rocky waters of life from the unique perspective of an American-Muslim woman, breaking down misconceptions of her culture one comic at a time. From recounting the many questions she gets about her hijab every day (yes, she does have hair) and explaining how she runs in an abaya (just fine, thank you) to dealing with misconceptions about Muslims, Yes, I'm Hot in This tackles universal feelings from an point of view we don't hear from nearly enough.Every one of us have experienced love, misunderstanding, anger, and a deep desire for pizza. In Yes, I'm Hot in This, Huda's clever comics demonstrate humor's ability to bring us together, no matter how different we may appear on the surface.
The Complete How to Speak Southern
The laugh sensation that swept the nation, How to Speak Southern and More How to Speak Southern, is now collected in one complete–and completely hilarious–volume. Embraced by Southerners everywhere and dedicated to all Yankees in the hope that it will teach them to talk right, this uproarious book decodes “Suthun” wit and wisdom for “Nawthun” upstarts everywhere. From “aig” (a breakfast food that may be fried, scrambled, boiled, or poached) to “zackly” (as in “precisely”), here’s just a sampling of what you’ll find inside: ATTAIR: Contraction used to indicate the specific item desired. “Pass me attair gravy, please.” EVERWHICHAWAYS: To be scattered in all directions. “You should have been there when the train hit that chicken truck. Them chickens flew everwhichaways.” YONTNY: Do you want any. “Yontny more corn bread?” Funny as well as informative, this laugh-out-loud dictionary will keep you laughing and learning–no matter where you fall on the Mason-Dixon Line!
You're Not That Great (But Neither is Anyone Else)
The self-help industry tells you that if you're positive, if you put your best foot forward and if you just believe in yourself that you will find happiness. Let's be real, you can read all the inspirational quotes you want. You can spend your days giving yourself affirmations in your heart-shaped mirror and trying to learn to love yourself. You can say your mantra over and over again while sitting cross-legged on a yoga mat in a Whole Foods parking lot. But the truth is, you're not a badass and you still don't have the life you want. That's where You're Not That Great (but neither is anyone else) comes in. This book teaches you how to harness all the negativity in the world and use it to improve your life, taking everyday feelings like self-loathing, regret and shame and making them work for you. Positive thinking is for assholes. Negative thinking is for winners.
Until Donald Trump publishes the ultimate account of his entire four or eight or one-and-a-half years in the White House, the definitive chronicle will be You Can’t Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year As President. Trump was elected because he was the most frank presidential candidate in history, a man eager to tell the unvarnished truth about others’ flaws and tout his own amazing excellence. Now he levels his refreshingly compulsive, un-PC candor at his landslide election victory as well as his role as commander-in-chief and leader of the free world.There are intimate, powerful, mind-boggling revelations on every page. You are there with him during his private encounters with world leaders, a few of whom he does not insult. You are there at the genius Oval Office strategy sessions with his advisers. You are there in his White House bedroom as he crafts the pre-dawn Twitter pronouncements that rock the world. And, of course, you are there on the golf course as Trump attempts to manage the burdens of his office. President Trump explains each of the historic decisions that have already made America great again, and how he always triumphs over the fake news media. You'll learn what he really thinks of his cabinet members and top aides not related to him, of the First Lady and the First Daughter and the additional three or four Trump children. Included at no extra charge is a lavish and exclusive portfolio of spectacular, historic and intimate color photographs of President Trump in private – inside the White House, inside Mar-a-Lago, at Trump Tower, and more. You Can’t Spell America Without Me is presented by America’s foremost Trump scholar Kurt Andersen as well as America's foremost mediocre Trump impersonator, Alec Baldwin.
The Tricky Art of Co-Existing: How to Behave Decently No Matter What Life Throws Your Way
"If you do it right, being a grown-up is just like being a kid . . . but without people telling you off." No one learns "etiquette" anymore (except by embarrassing trial and error). But manners are more than a dusty tradition: Done right, they make life easier--for everyone! That's why Sandi Toksvig highlights decency rather than convention in this entertaining guide, with: Spot-On Advice: "Remember--you don't have to answer the phone, so don't do it if you don't have time to be polite." Fascinating Trivia: "It is very rude to clear the plate of someone who hasn't finished. In fact, the Romans believed doing so would bring about the diner's sudden death." And Her Characteristic Wit: "Focusing on the people you share a meal with is both a pleasure and a necessity. Get to know your family members; you might even like them." Be the most decently behaved person in the room, and the most interesting: Master The Tricky Art of Co-Existing!
Dear White People
In the satirical tradition of the New York Times bestseller Stuff White People Like comes this witty companion book to the "incredibly entertaining" (Indiewire) film of the same name, which "heralds a fresh and funny new voice" (Variety). Right out of college, Justin Simien wrote a screenplay about the nuanced experiences of four black students on a predominantly white college campus. The film, Dear White People, garnered a Sundance Award for "Breakthrough Talent" and has been hailed by critics everywhere. Channeling the sensibility of the film into this book, Simien will keep you laughing with his humorous observations, even if you haven't seen the satiric film. News Flash-the minimum number of black friends needed to not seem racist has just been raised to two. Rather than panic, readers are advised to purchase a copy of Dear White People. Whether you are a dear white person wondering why your black office mate is avoiding eye contact with you after you ran your fingers through her hair, or you're a black nerd who has to break it to your white friends that you've never seen The Wire, this myth-busting, stereotype-diffusing guide to a post-Obama world has something for you! With decision-making trees to help you decide when it's the right time to wear Blackface (hint: probably never) and quizzes to determine whether you've become the Token Black Friend™, Dear White People is the ultimate silly-yet-authoritative handbook to help the curious and confused navigate racial microaggressions in their daily lives. Based on the eponymous, award-winning film, which has been lauded as "a smart, hilarious satire," this tongue-in-cheek guide is a must-have that anybody who is in semi-regular contact with black people can't afford to miss!
Eat Cake. Be Brave.
From the star of USA reality show The Radkes and creator of the viral "Red Ribbon Week" video, this is a hilarious and inspiring story of finding self-confidence in a world of naysayers.My name is Melissa Radke, and there is a very real chance you have no idea who I am or why I wrote a book. But admit it, you're curious!Even though millions of people seem to like watching my videos and The Radkes TV show bemoaning the trials of parenting, marriage, French braiding, faith, and living life as an anti-aging female, you may still be wondering who let me write a book. I mean, books are written by people who say things like, "I was having a root canal and I literally died in the chair. I saw heaven. Also, when I came back to earth I could speak Mandarin." Yeah, that didn't happen to me.I wrote this book because when I turned 41 I made the decision to live brave, bolder, and freer. I thought our lives were supposed to change when we turned 40. But mine changed when I turned 41 and I set out to prove that it wasn't too late for me. And maybe, just maybe, reading about my journey to find my sense of self-worth will help you rightfully believe in yours. This book is about how all the years of my life led up to the one that changed it.So, cut a big slice and raise a fork...Here's to bravery.Here's to courage.Here's to cake. (And not the crappy kind, like carrot.)
Holy Cow, I Sure Do Love You! A Little Book That's Oddly Moo-ving
Rosenthal, Amy Krouse
New York Times bestselling authors, Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Tom Lichtenheld return with an illustrated love note for your nearest and dearest, filled with moo-ving declarations uttered by one adorable cow.
Llive, Llaugh, Llove Llike a Llama
When life gives you lemons, make llama-nade! This book is an ode to the warm, snuggly llama, our current pop culture obsession.Everything you need to know in llife, you can llearn from a llama. Fluffy, funny-llooking creatures who spit when something bothers them--what's not to llove? Discover 100 encouraging quotes and positive aphorisms alongside llaugh-out-lloud illustrations of these fluffy friends. This is a book of llife llessons, llama-style.
Bobby Wonderful: An Imperfect Son Says Good-bye
Bob Morris was the joker in his family, but not the perfect son. With his parents approaching the end of their lives, he begins to see his relationship to them in a whole new light. But how can a seemingly self-absorbed boomer give the good people who gave him his beginning the best possible ending?Bobby Wonderful recounts with wit and grace two poignant deaths and one family's struggle to find a spiritual silver lining. Infused with dark comedy, soulful insights, sibling conflict, and a universally recognizable dose of guilt and regret, this little memoir doesn't just chronicle a big experience. It celebrates it.
When in French: Love in a Second Language
A language barrier is no match for love. Lauren Collins discovered this firsthand when, in her early thirties, she moved to London and fell for a Frenchman named Olivier—a surprising turn of events for someone who didn’t have a passport until she was in college. But what does it mean to love someone in a second language? Collins wonders, as her relationship with Olivier continues to grow entirely in English. Are there things she doesn’t understand about Olivier, having never spoken to him in his native tongue? Does “I love you” even mean the same thing as “je t’aime”? When the couple, newly married, relocates to Francophone Geneva, Collins—fearful of one day becoming "a Borat of a mother" who doesn’t understand her own kids—decides to answer her questions for herself by learning French.When in French is a laugh-out-loud funny and surprising memoir about the lengths we go to for love, as well as an exploration across culture and history into how we learn languages—and what they say about who we are. Collins grapples with the complexities of the French language, enduring excruciating role-playing games with her classmates at a Swiss language school and accidently telling her mother-in-law that she’s given birth to a coffee machine. In learning French, Collins must wrestle with the very nature of French identity and society—which, it turns out, is a far cry from life back home in North Carolina. Plumbing the mysterious depths of humanity’s many forms of language, Collins describes with great style and wicked humor the frustrations, embarrassments, surprises, and, finally, joys of learning—and living in—French.
Ungovernable: The Victorian Parent's Guide to Raising Flawless Children
Feminist historian Therese Oneill is back, to educate you on what to expect when you're expecting...a Victorian baby! In Ungovernable, Oneill conducts an unforgettable tour through the backward, pseudoscientific, downright bizarre parenting fashions of the Victorians, advising us on:• How to be sure you're not too ugly, sickly, or stupid to breed• What positions and room decor will help you conceive a son• How much beer, wine, cyanide, and heroin to consume while pregnant• How to select the best peasant teat for your child• Which foods won't turn your children into sexual deviants• And so much moreEndlessly surprising, wickedly funny, and filled with juicy historical tidbits and images, Ungovernable provides much-needed perspective on - and comic relief from - the age-old struggle to bring up baby.
From the wickedly funny and feminist creator and host of the Throwing Shade podcast, a collection of hilarious personal essays and political commentary perfect for fans of Lindy West and Roxane Gay.Since women earned the right to vote a little less than 100 years ago, our progress hasn't been the Olympic sprint toward gender equality first-wave feminists hoped for, but more of a slow, elderly mall walk (with frequent stops to Cinnabon) over the 400 million hurdles we still face. Some of these obstacles are obvious - unequal pay, underrepresentation in government, reproductive restrictions, lack of floor-length mirrors in hotel rooms. But a lot of them are harder to identify. They're the white noise of oppression that we've accepted as lady business as usual, and the patriarchy wants to keep it that way. Erin Gibson has a singular goal - to create a utopian future where women are recognized as humans. In Feminasty - titled after her nickname on the hit podcast Throwing Shade - she has written a collection of make-you-laugh-until-you-cry essays that expose the hidden rules that make life as a woman unnecessarily hard and deconstructs them in a way that's bold, provocative, and hilarious. Whether it's shaming women for having their periods, allowing them into STEM fields but never treating them like they truly belong, or dictating strict rules for how they should dress in every situation, Erin breaks down the organized chaos of old-fashioned sexism, intentional and otherwise, that systemically keeps women down.
Chuck Norris Cannot Be Stopped: 400 All-New Facts About the Man Who Knows Neither Fear Nor Mercy
The Legend of Chuck Norris Lives On After the deadly duo of The Truth About Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T roundhouse-kicked bestseller lists, Ian Spector returns to complete the thrillogy that has become just as unstoppable, herculean, and legendary as Chuck Norris himself. Chuck Norris Cannot Be Stopped reveals 400 all-new facts about the roughest, toughest, and buffest man to ever stalk the face of the Earth. This third testament about the master of macho manliness uncovers such unknown facts as: * Jesus follows Chuck Norris on Twitter. * The reason we haven't found Osama Bin Laden is because Chuck Norris found him first. * When Chuck Norris tells time, time obeys. * A solar eclipse is the sun's attempt to hide from Chuck Norris. * Someone once put Chuck Norris on hold. That's where the term choke-hold comes from. * A man once broke every bone in his body to avoid Chuck Norris doing it for him. Brimming with brawn and full of fortitude, Chuck Norris Cannot Be Stopped contains everything you ever wanted to know about Chuck Norris but were too terrified to ask.
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